Is giving up an option? — Rinum’s blog #190

We struggle. We fall. We fail. We think giving up is the best option. I know I definitely do! Giving up is way way easier than continuing on. I was actually just responding to a comment here saying exactly that. That suicide is easier than continuing to live. Yet, giving up keeps us broken. Rather than whole. Another post I wrote on my JTL blog is that maybe the tough things are there to let us choose to access the strength and courage we never knew we possessed.

Lets them tap into their unknown strength, which if they didn’t need it, they would never have found it. Never have known just how courageous and strong and beautiful they are.

Maybe it is what the tough times are there for. Is giving up an option? I wanted to reblog this on my blog Journey through Life, then realised that it’s a perfect reason to live. Thank you Rinum for sharing and letting me reblog this. 

Every time I’m at the verge of giving up, my mom slaps sense into me. Literally. Her hand is so heavy that she could send me back to Pakistan with the flick of her finger. But every time I say, “I can’t do this.” She makes that face where she clenches her jaw and her […]

Queen Saleena being brutally wounded and hurt fled from the battlefield and ran into the deadly forest. There she sat under a tree and tended to her wounds. She couldn’t believe what had happened. How could someone a strong as her, be subjected to such weakness. The Queen wanted to give up, so she decided to leave Halacin and settle down in the mountains of Alani.

But as soon as she rose to her feet to flee, she saw a little bird with a broken wing, sitting on a tree branch, with a lion cub lingering beneath it.[…]

The eleventh time the bird tried to escape she flew as high as she could, even though she squeaked because of the pain that her wing was causing her. But her flight didn’t last, and she was slowly descending to the ground. The cub saw the opportunity and leaped into the air to eat the bird. This time the bird didn’t run away, instead, she came down with force and slammed her beak into the cub’s eye with such intensity that the cub started bleeding. The cub became blind in one eye and ran away, disappearing into the forest.[…]

via Is giving up an option? — Rinum’s blog. Her entire post is awesome. Check it out on her blog.

So long as there’s life, there’s hope.

Love, light and glitter

Eliza

Finding a parking space #189

Parking. People who know me know that parking is one of the biggest bugbears of my life. I know, my last reason was driving. One of my last reasons, since I’ve just found this in my draft folder. Sometimes I drive, and I’m looking for a parking space, and hey presto, there’s a space just there. Sitting and waiting. Just for me! I seriously feel that way. That the spaces are waiting for me. That they’re there because I need them. I like driving through better than parking. The other day I was reversing into a space (if I reverse into a space I don’t have to then reverse out. Reversing into a space feels safer for there is less risk of cars or people that I can’t see. I hate reversing. Well, parking, reversing, all of it which isn’t actual driving.) and, somehow, miraculously, I landed directly into the space! Like, perfectly! My car was even straight. It was in between the two lines. Was far back enough. And I was exactly IN THE SPACE. I say landed, since it had nothing to do with my parking skill. The other day, the day prior to this miracle parking, I drove through 2 spaces and parked on a slant. My friend who was with me commented on my ability to have such an easy space and yet always remain at a slant.

Parking. Sometimes I find it easier to park, other times harder, I’m always grateful for those random strangers who direct me and help me with parking, especially when I’m reversing. Who wait for me to finish with no fuss at all, no matter that they’re waiting…

Finding a parking space. Finding an easy parking space. The people who help me to get my car into the parking space. I’m grateful for them all.

So long as there’s life, there’s hope.

Love, light and glitter

I wish I could have told you this before you killed yourself

I’m rescheduling/reblogging what I wrote because, it’s applicable today. I wish I had the words.

A 16 year old girl in my community committed suicide the other day. I wish I could have spoken to her. I’m not sure if I’d know what to tell her. I’m not sure that there’s anything to say.

Dear ____ . Scrap the dear.

Hi.

If you’re reading this I’m guessing you’re suicidal. Have thought, are thinking of, suicide as a viable option. I know that place. Where the only option is to end your life in order to end the pain. It isn’t about ending your life I know. It’s about stopping the world. Getting off from a world you didn’t ask to be part of. Maybe that’s just how I see it. The train moving way too fast on the tracks, the tracks ending at a cliff, the train is going to hurtle down the cliff and you’re going to be shattered to pieces at the bottom. Or you can just get off the train of life. Continue reading “I wish I could have told you this before you killed yourself”

Featured post

LTM: 18th July ’19

Dear Eliza

You are stronger than you could ever imagine. You are here. You could so easily have killed yourself. Yet you chose to give life a go. You chose life. Not death. You chose life for all the reasons you write. Primarily because death is final, life still gives you another option. And the belief. The belief in a little flicker of a light that was shadowed against the wall. You couldn’t see any light. You saw a reflection of a pinprick. You chose to believe in the light. Continue reading “LTM: 18th July ’19”

Dialogue with myself (TW – SH) — Journey to life #186

I’m grateful. I’m grateful that I can journal through dialogue. I’m grateful that I learn what’s going on for myself. I’m grateful for how much putting it down calms me.

Dialogue journaling – #186

Why did you buy cocodamol?
I want it. (Stamps imaginary foot in head)
You’re allowed to want it
I’m not.
You’re allowed to want everything Eliza.
Literally everything.
I’m not
Eliza, you’re allowed to want everything.
I can’t.
What can’t you?
Be.
Okay. You can though.
Not.
Am I going to change your mind?
You can’t. It’s […]

via Dialogue with myself (Trigger warning – self harm) — Journey to life

 

 

I don’t want to hurt my family #177

I’ve been thinking about reasons to live for the past few days.

I haven’t written on here in a while, for I haven’t been needing it in the same way. I don’t need the reasons in the same way. Friday was triggering. I was speaking to someone who told me that the reason she isn’t killing herself now is because she is religious and believes it is wrong. I know that’s the reason. We’ve discussed it before. Yet someone the thought was majorly triggering for me. For I was thinking about how I don’t believe it’s wrong. How I don’t know what I believe about religion. How I don’t even care if it IS wrong, that’s so not a reason not to end it….. Continue reading “I don’t want to hurt my family #177”

There’s always another choice #176

Life is about choices.

Sometimes it feels like the only option is suicide. Yet, that’s one choice. I was reading the letter I wrote – I wish I could have told you this before you killed yourself – and stopped to write this.

One of the main reasons I held on was because I knew that I didn’t know what could be. Because if I’d end it, that’s the only option – ending it. Whereas if I’d hold onto life, I would always still have the option of ending it. By continuing to live, I can still always choose to die. Whereas once I’ve ended it, I’ve taken all choice away.

Continue reading “There’s always another choice #176”

Remembering those…

I wanted to share this.

It’s about sharing the memories of those who died through suicide.

The good people. The great people. The awesome people. Who fought in a war, won loads of battles, and ultimately lost the war. Remembering them for who they were, not for what they did.

Life’s heading – somewhere? #174

After writing this post I feel like it’s a reason. Life has always been about holding on. I’m grateful. That it begins to feel different. It begins to feel as though maybe there’s something more to life and this world. Maybe life can be, will be, about where life is heading. It’s heading – somewhere. I’ve no clue where that somewhere is. But it feels like it’s heading somewhere. Like it can head somewhere.

The past couple of weeks is the first time in my life that I’m beginning to see that there could be a life. It was/has always been about the opposite. First it was suicidality with no awareness of it. Before that, I never really lived in the world. I used to wonder if I was living in a dream and would one day wake up. I used to wonder if I was really real or a figment of my imagination – I know, where’s ‘my’ imagination coming from, or someone’s imagination. After I chose to give life a go 2.5 years ago, it’s always been, just hang on, coz’ it’s worth it, for there has to be something more. What’s the something? Who knows. Just believe. Believe in those who have done it before. Believe in the impossibility. Life’s been all about hanging on.

via Life’s heading – somewhere? — Journey to life

 

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