I watched this video. It brought me to tears. Thank you Shane Koyczan for posting this.
I’m reposting this as this is what I’m trying to acknowledge and accept so that I can deal with it rather than hide from it and let it run my life.
I want to destroy
I want to
I need to destroy
Myself Continue reading “I want to destroy myself”
Today is the last day I can date something as 2018. It’s the end of 2018 and nearly 2019. I was trying to think of a title for this reason. The end of a year. Living through a year. Reaching a new year. It’s all of it. Everything. It’s the end of another year. I find it weird to be here at the end of a year. The last day of 2018. The last day of a year. I find it hard to believe that an entire year has passed. Didn’t I just write my goals for 2018? Oh gosh, I just looked at that post to link it, and here’s what I wrote: Continue reading “One Hundred and Forty Eight: Moving forward”
Okay, so I’m kinda annoyed, and I guess this is a reply.
Why are you so afraid
Upon reading what I write
Why does the word suicide
Continue reading “Why are you so afraid?”
I’m still getting the ‘wow, you look so good, you lost so much weight’ comments.
It’s a year later. (I lost weight a year ago.. )
And it’s so backhanded. Continue reading “Why is weight the only thing people see???”
I was wanting to use some stuff I had in my room to burn and was trying to calm myself down and be rational. Telling myself it was okay to want to didn’t work, so dialogued it through. Surprisingly enough (well, it was surprising to me) it helped.
Okay E, so you want to use them.
I. want. to. use. them.
Okay, so you want to
It’s not okay Continue reading “Dialogue through wanting to SH – TW”
Someone emailed me this quote. I replied to her. Although I don’t believe in the quote fully. What would you attempt if you knew you wouldn’t fail? How about you NEVER can fail? That life is never about failing, rather about learning, about getting up, and about attempting :) Continue reading “One Hundred and Four: I would attempt”
I get to define my life. I get to choose what everything means. Everything that happens. Everything I do or don’t do. I get to choose what it means for me. I define it. No one and nothing else does. Continue reading “One Hundred and Three: The meaning I attribute”
I just saw this poem attributed to Dee Groberg. It’s exactly what I needed to hear at this moment in time.
Get up. And win that race. Life is one of tripping. Stumbling. Falling. We can choose, every single moment in time, whether to say in the mud, or whether to get up – and win that race. Continue reading “Ninety Nine: Get up and win that race”
What do you answer when people ask you what your scars are from?
I came across this list here, I was laughing through it.
- Don’t worry about it. Because of me, they now have a warning label!
- Well, let me just tell you this: You should NEVER EVER, under ANY circumstances, go out with a guy/girl that you met on the internet.
- “It’s a long story.” They usually leave me alone, but this one guy said, “I’ve got time.” Then I said, “I fell. [long pause] Ok, so it’s obviously not THAT long.”
- I took my lizards for a walk and they held on for dear life.
Was just listening to this
I’m constantly thinking about using painkillers. Less so about self harming, although that to. Often about throwing up, but that doesn’t feel like a need. Using and SH do. I know it’s not, but doesn’t change how it registers. I’m tired of thinking about it so much. I’m tired of constantly distracting. I’m tired of ignoring. I’m tired of acknowledging and moving on. Actually, I don’t acknowledge how much I want it enough.
Trigger warning. I won’t be editing my words at all. Continue reading “Painkillers – TW”