One Hundred and Sixty: A reason (linked)

Today’s been tough. Lots of thoughts swirling around. Sadness for this girl who never knows what life for bring. I wrote her a letter earlier I wish I could have told you this before you killed yourself. Jealousy that she isn’t here anymore. Guilt for feeling that way. Grateful that I’m here. Broken phones. Glad I can’t reach out to anyone for I know they wouldn’t be here anyways. Wasted money. Tickets I booked incorrectly. I came across this site a long while ago. It’s a site I would add to the letter I wrote. A reason.

The site is copyright, so I’m including the first page but that’s it.

A reason… to live or to die.

Consider this…

In the time it takes you to read this, a few others in the world have already taken their lives. You’re still alive, so you still have time to choose differently. Because suicide is very much a choice you have to make. It is not a choice that can be made for you. I am not here to talk you out of it. I am here to help you make a decision that you can live or die with in peace. It’s going to take about 5 minutes of your life, a life that you can’t see much point in continuing. But since you found your way here, another 5 minutes probably isn’t going to hurt anything.

In my many years online, I have met dozens if not hundreds of people who find themselves thinking the exact same thoughts you’re thinking — I can’t go on any longer. I just feel too overwhelmed by it all. Nobody loves me, and those who do are just saying it; they’re probably lying. I’ve gone on feeling so bad for so long, I just don’t feel like I can take it any more. I give up.

If you recognize yourself in some of those words, that’s good. That means that despite all of the bad feelings you’re feeling, you can identify some of those feelings that have been felt by others. Trust me, that won’t make anything I have to say easier. But it does give us a small reason to hope.

You are still alive. You are still reading. You are still you. One more light in a world of darkness. There is hope. So please keep reading

I really appreciated her site the first time I came across it, and it was good to read it again, even if and though right now I don’t actually plan on ending my life (if anything I just want to use painkillers).

So long as there’s life, there’s hope.


12 thoughts on “One Hundred and Sixty: A reason (linked)

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  1. I wish this girl would have known how much you cared and how much you care now … I know you’re feeling badly about this … do something nice for yourself this weekend … get something you’ve coveted (um, besides the phone). Go get a bouquet of flowers for a vase to bring some color to your room … look for those birds … don’t let the Winter gloomy doldrums set in … keep the faith, sometimes it’s all we’ve got.

    1. It definitely is. It’s confuzzled me a lot but last night I finally journaled it through a bit which helped. I’m waiting for a new phone :) Before that, I booked to go away next week, which I wasn’t looking forward to as much, but now I’m really looking forward to as I need a break.

      1. A new phone and a little getaway – good for you. I cannot remember the last time I got away but it has been a long time. Even an extra day off is nice sometimes … there are lots of government holidays over here, like Martin Luther King’s birthday and President’s Day, but they are only for government workers, or people that work for banks, post office, etc. Hope you have nice weather for your getaway Eliza.

        1. It’s meant to be cloudy, but definitely warmer than here! Supposedly the nights are like 5 degrees (celsius). My sister told me it was cold… I was like, do you realise that’s warm! I’m looking forward I think.

          1. You’ll enjoy a break away from the everyday/same-old routine at any rate. That is how I would look at it. Any change in temp is welcome – we were almost 70 degrees higher than we were last Thursday – that is really bizarre. One more day of tropical-like weather, then back to reality sadly.

    1. Aww thanks.
      What time is it by you????? I’m guessing you’re not in the US like I always assumed. I think I assume everyone is from the US unless they tell me otherwise…

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