One Hundred and Forty Nine: 2019 – Taking ownership of my life

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It’s the start of an entirely new year. A year I get to choose. I have the choices to make. The responsibility is mine. Looking back I see how often I refused to take responsibility. I wouldn’t say refused as much as didn’t. Wasn’t aware that I could. Seeing it gives me the choice. To take responsibility for my life. To own what is mine. The choices that I make. The actions I take. The decisions. That are mine to own. I used to wish some fairy would just come in and wave their magic wand and take over my life for me. I don’t any longer. I’m grateful. Grateful that my life is mine to live. That my mistakes are mine to own. I don’t always see what I did. I don’t always realise what I’m going to do until later. I’m thinking of a month or so ago when I decided to go on a diet. When I was eating, however little it was. On the 3rd day  of dieting I realised how insane it was. How quickly I led myself back to just not eating. How easy it was. To just go back to not eating. To fighting purging. I knew I had to stop dieting (took me another week to do that). I had a choice. To choose to diet. I didn’t realise how fast it would spiral. I theoretically knew but chose to ignore that voice that told me it was a bad idea and pretend to believe it wouldn’t be that way. I chose earlier. When stuck in it, it was harder to get out of it. When stuck in it, I didn’t have much choice. For the choice was earlier. The choice was, would be later. Sometimes the choice isn’t about the actions themselves, but what I’m going to do about it. The responsibility is mine. Was mine. And I’m grateful. Grateful that I get to own it. Grateful that I know it. Grateful for it all. However much I hate it and want to give up, I love and am grateful to be living and owning my own life.

Choice. Responsibility. Freedom.

I never thought this was the post I’d be writing. I planned on writing about the coming year. About my goals as I said I would in the last post of 2018. I guess I may still in another post. This is what this coming year is going to be about for me. Choice. Freedom. Responsibility. Owning what’s mine. Letting go of what isn’t.

New Year'S Day, Years Beginning, Year

2018. 2019. A new year.

So long as there’s life, there’s hope.

Here’s to a new year. A year in which I get to map my own life out. And own it.

What is this coming year going to be about for you?

Eliza

15 thoughts on “One Hundred and Forty Nine: 2019 – Taking ownership of my life

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  1. What an amazing post to start the new year, full of intention, evergy and self awareness. Love it and I wish you nothing but the best as you navigate this journey of life. Here’s to a wonderfully inspiring year ahead.

    1. Thanks for reading and commenting Miriam.
      It’s good I at least started the year that way. Maybe then the mess now won’t count.
      Love and light :

  2. Hello Eliza – I am going to follow your blog – it is a new year, full of fresh beginnings … I try not to listen to the state of the world because it is enough to make you want to crawl back into bed and get under the covers. I am happy for my blogging friends I have made here on WordPress, because I have no family, and work from home, so I am quite alone in the world. I am so accustomed to being alone, since my mom (and only relative) passed away in 2010, and then my two pets passed away as well, that when people say it isn’t good to be alone … well, I look at them and say “at least I don’t get in fights with anyone.” On a sadder note, we had a young woman here in the Detroit area take her own life three weeks ago. She was bright and beautiful and she was a meteorologist on a local TV station. She had an Lasik-type of eye procedure in the Autumn and was left with some issues, dry eyes and couldn’t cope with the aftermath. So her colleagues and viewers were shocked and many stories in the media afterward told us about learning to cope, finding a friend, talking and reaching out to someone. I know she could have reached out to her coworkers as they were devastated. I watched their teary reminisces of Jessica Starr in the days afterward. I’m glad we share a love of nature and animals because those squirrels and their antics will put a smile on your face on your downest day Eliza. -Linda

      1. Eliza – I was sure I replied to this this morning – hopefully it went to SPAM and not into cyberspace. I enjoyed this post and this little guy put himself out there for you to see. I am glad to be here as well.

  3. The beginning of each year is exciting because it’s a new fresh start. We should put the past behind us and realize we learned a lot from our mistakes and now can start anew. For me, breathing in the fresh cold air, feeling alive and free with the knowledge that right or wrong, the choices are mine alone.

    1. Thanks Michele
      Happy new year!
      What you’re saying is something mindfulness practice focuses on a lot. I like it :)

  4. Hi Eliza,
    This post is really amazing you rock with energy and taking responsibility, owning your decisions or lack of is awesome! It will be a roller coaster ride but you have grown so much just in the little time I’ve been reading you … keep growing girl you can conquer it! xx

      1. absolutely … anything is possible once we set our mind to it but when we have habits to change we have to make persistent effort and it can be done Eliza :)

        1. This made me laugh. More like beliefs, thought patterns, awareness, actions, mindsets.
          But yeah, anything is possible – I love that song!
          Happy new year! Day 2 here we come…

  5. Sounds like you’ve grown quite a bit in self-awareness and inner strength. I find that committing to healthy eating, learning about nutrition research and how to prepare delicious, healthful meals works much better than dieting, especially long term. Happy New Year!

    1. Thanks for taking the time to read and comment Evelyn!
      I’d really love to learn intuitive eating. I hate how I feel about my body and food and want to change that. Though it’s probably one of the last things on the list of things I need to change.
      Today’s been, tough. Hopefully tomorrow will be the start of a calm new year.
      Happy new year!

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