One Hundred and Forty Eight: Moving forward

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Today is the last day I can date something as 2018. It’s the end of 2018 and nearly 2019. I was trying to think of a title for this reason. The end of a year. Living through a year. Reaching a new year. It’s all of it. Everything. It’s the end of another year. I find it weird to be here at the end of a year. The last day of 2018. The last day of a year. I find it hard to believe that an entire year has passed. Didn’t I just write my goals for 2018? Oh gosh, I just looked at that post to link it, and here’s what I wrote:

My primary New year’s resolution is to live through the year….to do all I can this year to live. To be okay in the world. Find my place in this world.

Which includes sticking with therapy although I can’t see a point. Which includes asking questions. Finding my place. Working through what I believe. Building healthy relationships. To live through this year. However daunting and scary that seems at the moment.

I didn’t really think I could do it. Yet, I did it. I didn’t really think I’d get to the end of a year in a better place than I was. Yet, I did. I didn’t stick with therapy. I did my best, but yet he left. I know now that it was both of us ending it, but it ended. My relationships with my friends and family are healthier than they were. Don’t get me wrong, there’s so much to work through, but, it seems doable – well, sometimes it seems possible, anyways :). I know where I want to get to for next year. In the next year I’d love to throw away all I have to use. I’d love to give up the option of messing my life up. Which is for another post.

It’s the last day of 2018. It feels weird, and strange. One more day in a year. And I know it means nothing at all. It’s a day. That I can attribute whatever meaning I want to. I find it weird that I can actually choose what something means. That I have a choice.

It’s the end of a year. I feel like those words don’t say anything, but yet they say everything.

What has this year been like for you?

So long as there’s life, there’s hope.


6 thoughts on “One Hundred and Forty Eight: Moving forward

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  1. Eliza, in this year you carried yourself through and that’s great alone. You didn’t do just that. Your words helped to carry along I don’t know how many others. I know you helped me. Your quiet way is soothing to the soul when that is greatly needed. You had a very successful year as I see it. I hope you know. Thanks.

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