Love, hope, dreams. Sometimes I wonder if we’re all dreaming and hoping for the impossible. Sometimes I feel like we’re casting the fishing lines into the sea, when the fish will bite the lines and tug so strongly that they’ll tug us over the cliff and land us on the rocks in the sea below. I often wonder ‘is it possible‘. Sometimes I believe. Sometimes I keep on believing in hope, in love, in laughter, in light. In living a life beyond your/my wildest imaginations. One hundred and fifty four. You can find love. With others. With yourself. With the world.
I was reading another post on Eggshell therapy I’ve copied her words to her readers here. Her entire post is awesome. I love her site as I said here because all she writes is so on target, honest, real, and yet so positive and filled with hope. Keep on believing. For anything is possible. Thank you Imy for allowing me to copy what you wrote here.
MY WORDS TO YOU
If you have been wounded and stunted, I hope that you, too, find your way back into love. However, just me saying that all you need is courage would be too elusive and uncaring of me, especially if your memories of betrayal, rejections, and abandonment are still vividly alive.
You have good reasons to hesitate. The freezing reaction you had was a natural response to trauma. Opening to others might have been a real threat when you were much younger. However, things have changed. Although it used to crumble your soul so much that you felt you couldn’t get back up, although it had shattered your world so badly that you worried if you could live another day, you are much stronger now. Many of your early survival strategies such as emotional disengagement, social isolation and over intellectualising have protected you during your early years, but they no longer serve you.
You may need to actively comfort and re-assure the part of you that remains fearful. You can tell him/ her that you are there, no matter what happens in the outside world. Today, you have a choice. You can choose to be unconditionally on your own side, and you can decide to believe that Life has your back. The worst part- the very first original pain- was over. You know how to deal with heartbreaks and disappointment now. The mature, resilient and life-loving part of you remain untethered, despite the frustrations and chaos in the outside world.
The only way to start thawing your armour, to heal from heart breaks, misunderstandings and unrequited love, and to again be infatuated with the beauty of the world, is to realise that it is not only SAFE, but life-enriching to do so. Our goal is not to jump into the world with optimistic ignorance, unaware of social dynamics and danger, but to reach a point where we are not held back by old fears and hyper-vigilance. Eventually, we learn to balance open-heartedness with a sense of safety and groundedness of being in the world. You have to trust the process of loving. While it may come with potential disappointments, these bruises are now something that you can live through. People coming together and pulling away, the relationship conflicts and closeness, the emotional ups and the downs, are all just part of a roller coaster ride called life.
Having experienced both the pain of isolation and the joy of deep connection, I can speak from experience that however frightening, the process of thawing your heart and letting others in is a worthwhile endeavour.
The richness and beauty of life are just on the other side of the swinging door.
Living with some people a part of my life, people I know I don’t deserve, people I often do my best to push away, people who turn to me, people I turn to, I know it’s true. Every time a friend turns to me to be there, I’m surprised anew. Every time I ask someone for help I’m in awe that I do. Yet, it’s possible. I know I can give myself what I need. It’s what I try to do with the letters I write to myself. I know we all can give ourselves what we need. I know you can give yourself what you need. ha ha, I love how positive I’m sounding when last night I was writing on a forum that all I wanted to do was to destroy and hurt others, the world, so that there’d be some congruity between myself and the world, so that everyone would hurt as much as I do. Both are true….. As the world hurts, as my world hurts, I know that we can and will all get there.
One Hundred and Fifty Four. You can find love. Yes. You.
So long as there’s life, there’s hope. You are worth it.