LTM: Nervous about going out

Dear Eliza
Just to wish you good luck for this evening, and tell you how proud I am of you.
I’m proud of you for going out even when you’re scared of it. When you know it’ll be hard, and you know you’re likely to put your foot into it big time.

I’m proud of you for getting up in the morning. I’m proud of you for looking somewhat presentable. I’m proud of you for trying to react appropriately to people’s stupid comments which make you want to scream at them. I’m proud of you for eating. I’m proud of you for eating enough. I’m proud of you. For making food for your sisters. For being polite. For drinking a bit. For living in the present. For trying your best. Or if not your best, your best at that moment. I’m proud of you for being honest with yourself. Yeah, you’ve done things wrong. You’ve done lots of things wrong. It doesn’t take away from you. It doesn’t define you. I love you. You may have lied today. It’s okay. Or, it’s not. But, it is okay. You did your best. And I understand why you did. For you needed to in order to buy what you didn’t get in the end (it didn’t help as other people knew otherwise). Or whatever else may have been. What you do doesn’t define you. Your actions and/or thoughts aren’t you. You are you. You’re special regardless of what goes on.

I love you Eliza. I’m with you every moment of every day. I believe in you. I know you’ll get through this. You’ll look back one day and laugh. You’ll think about all you’ve done to yourself and be grateful that nothing that could’ve damaged you irreparably did. That you’re here. You’ll look back at the plans you’ve made and be grateful you didn’t act on them all. You’ll look back and be grateful for every single moment of your life for making you into who you are. Everything in life can make you, or break you. Let it make you. And if it’s already broken you, from the broken pieces you can build something even better. If there’s nothing to build with, you get to start anew. Infinite possibilities would lie in front of you. You can do this. You will do this. You are doing it.
I love you.

2 thoughts on “LTM: Nervous about going out

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  1. Beautifully written. I know you can do this. I know how hard it is. I know you will look back on this as growth and be even more proud that you stuck it out. What we are is not WHO we are. You ARE beautiful and you ARE worthy of happiness. Stay strong!

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