You are stronger than you could ever imagine. You are here. You could so easily have killed yourself. Yet you chose to give life a go. You chose life. Not death. You chose life for all the reasons you write. Primarily because death is final, life still gives you another option. And the belief. The belief in a little flicker of a light that was shadowed against the wall. You couldn’t see any light. You saw a reflection of a pinprick. You chose to believe in the light.
Today Eliza, today you see more than just a shadow on a wall caving in on you. Today you believe in the light. You don’t just believe. You know the light is there. You live with some of it. You don’t always, you do sometimes. You know the light is there. For you see it in the breeze. In the sunshine. In the connection.. In giving. In receiving. You see the light all around you.
You want to destroy yourself. I don’t think that (desire) has ever gone. You’ve always wanted to destroy yourself. You used to let that part of you run the show. You played with the edge constantly. You didn’t eat. You self harmed. You OD’d daily. Then, you began too let the light in. Let the other parts run the show. Fight it, and allow it. You wouldn’t be you if you never wanted to destroy yourself.
Today, today you want to destroy yourself, and you want to let the light in. For darkness only exists where there is no light. You want to live with the duality. Destruction and creation. I think you already know playing the edge can’t last. You did it for long enough. You chose life.
You chose life.
You get to still choose. Choose life.
I love you Eliza. I’m with you. I always am and always will be with you regardless of anything you do or don’t do.
You’re not alone.
I love you.
Always and forever.