LTM: 10th January ’18

This is probably going to be short as it’s late, I’m exhausted, should head to bed, and I’m doing it on here (instead of journaling it in my journal and then copying it here). Well, maybe it’ll lead to the opposite

Dear Eliza

I’m supposedly meant to write a letter to you. The purpose of the letter is to tell you that I love you, that you’re worth it and deserve it. Everything else this might say being irrelevant, or, as an aside. Somehow life all revolves around that. How much you love yourself and believe you do or don’t deserve it. Somehow meaning and purpose revolve around that too. Interesting thought for you to ponder some other time. Ugh. Nausea from eating so much junk food. Now what? You’ve said what you want to. Have you really? I wonder. Have I convinced you that you deserve to be okay? Is there even a way for me to convince you of that? Am I even trying to do that? Nah, not going to bother. Just aim for the feasible. And that’s to tell you that you’re special. Water off a ducks back. But it’s not really. For, maybe it’s like water on a rock, the rocks stay there, but, the drip, drip smooths the rocks down. Look at the stones at the bottom of a waterfall? Are they jagged, harsh edges? Or are they smooth? Maybe there’s a point saying it repeatedly, coz’ maybe one day you’ll hear it, believe it. Which, even if you don’t care to believe it, for you don’t as it’s so unfathomable, you care to care :). If that makes sense, which to me/you it does.

Happy Wednesday to you Eliza. I’m proud of you for getting through another day. I know you wanted to do something that you forgot about, pushed off until it was too late, which, it isn’t really but you’re saying it is.  You were scared to do it as it’ll make  you vulnerable. I’m proud of you Eliza. For doing okay today. For getting through another day. It’s okay that that’s all it is at the moment. Remember, it’s just for the moment. Right now you may just be ‘getting through the day’ and nothing else, and, that’s okay, it won’t stay that way always. Love you, Eliza. Always. You’re worth it. I believe in you.

Eliza

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