Looking for a therapist. Random post

This is a random post I feel like I shouldn’t write on a reasons blog yet I’d love some feedback if that’s possible.

Those of you who’ve been following my blog know that I ended/wrecked therapy with AH half a year ago (letter-to-therapist rambling about/to ah AH-again). I’m now looking for a therapist and I’m not at all sure what to look for. I’ve come across a few profiles of maybe’s. Reached out to some people who aren’t relevant. I’m wondering what to look for. If I should initially email or call these people. How many people I should reach out to at once. And the main thing I’m wondering at the moment is, does a therapist have to have experience with attachment. I had a relationship with AH that was constantly on the rocks. . I’m looking for a therapist who’ll be able to handle the intensity I take everything with. Who’ll always remain un-involved with what I experience yet understand it. Who will be able to handle what I’d put any person I build a relationship with through, yet stand through it, objectively, and help me react without wrecking it. The ‘I hate you, don’t leave me’ paradox of most relationships (the contradiction inherent in all of life).

And then I know I’m not in the same place I was when I met AH. So do I even need or want a therapist? When I began seeing AH I wasn’t eating, soon after I was OD’ing daily, self harming, etc. At this point asides for buying things and the struggle not to throw up ever, I’m not messing up my life. I’m living my life. Just living it. Do I need therapy? What do I even want from therapy? And then comes the fact that the last few nights I’ve been crying myself to sleep. With no clue as to what’s going on that’s causing that. But then I’m actually crying…… so maybe I’m dealing by crying. Oh I don’t know!

So I’m looking for a therapist. And I’m not sure what to look for. The main thing I’m wondering is if this person needs to be experienced/trained in attachment. Especially as I do NOT want therapy to be all about the relationship as it was in the past. I want it to be um, I don’t know what I want to do be.

I’d really appreciate any thoughts/guidance… Thanks!


18 thoughts on “Looking for a therapist. Random post

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  1. Hi Eliza, I appreciate your raw honesty in this post and have avoided reading the other comments … unusual for me. But I wanted to write from my heart without being influenced by their words.

    Allowing the tears is very healthy, we all need a good cry to cleanse ourselves!

    Sounds to me like a therapist could be beneficial. From personal/professional experience I know that is the heart connection that will be most beneficial. So no matter what degree or experience or speciality they have if you don’t have that trust with an open connection all the blah blah will be useless.

    So please shop around, try a few then settle with the one you have the strongest trust in, the one that you can be yourself with. That is all that matters and the remainder will unfold.

    1. That sounds like a good idea. To speak to a few and see who most comfortable with.
      I’m scared of the turbulence therapy could bring up, wrecking the settledness.

      1. then don’t even attempt until you are ready, until you have the support you need outside sessions … that is also most important!
        With your community going thru so much turmoil with the fire I would wait for now …

  2. I used diaro an app, tags are just labels is happy,stress,positive useful. Stuff like that, so you can sort them in order. So I’m guessing rather than look over bad stuff you can use to remind about progress and collect good stuff together. (It syncs well, i use Dropbox so it backs up automatically)

    1. That’s a good idea. I’m gonna apply that sort of by writing in the back on my journal what’s going on for me (physically), and in the front random journaling. I’m wondering if I should write my gratitude lists elsewhere. Although maybe that would just make the whole rest of the journal sad stuff.

  3. When things are going well seems like s good time to think about strategies for when it may not be. Things always change. I guess reading up on it may help. Practicing some of the methods.

    1. Thanks for reading and commenting…
      That’s actually really helpful to hear. Especially because right now I was actually wondering if I want to bother finding a therapist at all. So I guess it wouldn’t harm.

      1. Yeh I just think everyone has downs,so when up I practice.. do you keep a journal? I found it helpful . It creates a Stark record to look back at, see patterns and look at more objectively. If you don’t and want to, my best tip is use tags to group similar things together. Also for dbt it collects happy stuff, you can then copy happy patterns

        1. How do you keep a journal and what do you mean by tags?
          I do journal, quite a bit, but I don’t want to re-read my journals because often they’re so sad and it feels like things have never changed (although I know that they have, and I try to write down the things I notice, I still feel like I’m struggling with the same things I always was)

            1. Hey, I love that saying! I’ve heard the one that a righteous man falls seven times and keeps on getting up, but this one is better.

              1. I think the hebrew counting system was based on 7 – which is how you got Jesus saying not 7 times 7 but 70 times 7 a lot, so I guess this one was the same. Not sure why the Japanese used 7 :)

  4. Hey Eliza!

    It’s been a long time since I’ve touched in with you and I want to say CONGRATS for attempting to reach out for help! I do agree that DBT (Dialectical Behavioral Therapy) is a great therapeutic approach but I’m not sure if it’s the right one for working through attachment issues. I’m a therapist so I love reading about its concepts! I also saw your hashtag for BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder), is this a personal diagnosis? I would love to chat if you’re willing… you can find me on Facebook or through email.

    1. Hey! Good to see you… Yeah, it’s been a while. Haven’t been around WP as much.
      I’m not actually looking to work through attachment issues. Rather I want the skills to know what is going on for me. The awareness. Although for the most part I’m actually learning it through mindfulness, I can probably learn it a lot faster and get where I want to with help. The reason I’m asking about ‘attachment’ is the fact that I’ve messed up therapy in the past, in a major way. Any therapist I see would have to be okay with taking the lead. With utter silence. With all that I’d put them through (basically just pushing them away whilst saying otherwise). AH, my ex therapist, still said that he doesn’t know what he thinks of me. A therapist would have to be okay with how much everything would throw me. And with creating a clear structure. None of that, as I said, is what I want to work through with a therapist, yet a therapist would have to be okay with that and understand that. Would someone who hasn’t had experience or training in such things be able to do that? I don’t know. That’s what I’m asking…. And I can go on and on and on….
      I don’t have facebook but you can email me at elizareasonstolive at gmail.com

  5. Hi Eliza!
    I totally get your fears for therapy. I was so scared I’d never find anyone for me too, I am so intense also and in addition I just felt unfixable. I had yet to meet anyone who could tell me something I didn’t know and give me genuine insight into my behaviours and it’s causes. I’ve been in therapy my entire life through my parent’s views and choices of people. I was so burnt out that so many people, who were professionals couldn’t see the issue was MY own parents.

    I live in Israel and so I decided to try and go through the healthcare system and get someone for free. There was supposed to be a waiting list for up to a year and a half.
    Miracles of miracles, within 3 weeks I was seeing someone.

    Perfect match immediately.
    So much has gone wrong throughout my life, this was like this one thing that was a complete miracle and shine of light in my life, like Hashem was actually doing something great that I needed.

    Don’t worry, it will come. Daven to Hashem and trust he will ultimately send you the right one.

    From what I understand the only way to see if it’s matim is to meet up for a session or two. Most therapists should give a free consultation session for you two to see if it’s a good click. In addition the first 3-4 meetings show if you guys click or not. If you don’t feel like she gets you or has a good guidance for you, it’s not for you.

    It’s a but like a shidduch.

    Good Luck!
    Davening for you!

    1. Thank you for reading and commenting…..!
      I’d love to learn DBT. I wonder if I should bother with a therapist who is trained in DBT (I always thought there was no one here, but there may be someone) as a, my GP put a referral through to the NHS and b, I don’t need it all as much as I did.
      But you’re right on target with saying that it’d be a good modality for me (well from never trying it I think so, could be I’m wrong)…

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