Letter to myself: 2nd February ’18

Dear Eliza

Just breathe. I love you Eliza. Just breathe. Relax. You are okay. Listen to the cars in the distance, hear the motors hum. Listen to the breeze, soft, gentle, barely discernible. Listen to the chatter of the birds that can be heard although they seem far away. Tune into the music playing from the stereo just inside.

Feel the wind on your face. Feel the chill in the air, that’s warm enough to be outside without a jacket. Feel the bite of the hammock as it digs into your legs. Feel the blanket next to you. Feel the pen in your hand and the cramp it is giving you. Just breathe Eliza. You are okay.

The moment is, ‘too much’ is all I know how to define it as. And yeah, it is too much. Way too much going on. And Eliza that is okay and you are okay. Do what you are doing – relax and enjoy the time with friends – old and maybe new. Give yourself time and space as you need it. When you can. If you can’t, if you don’t get what you need, it is okay. You are okay and you will be okay.

Look and breathe into the hope and calm you see around you. The serenity of people who’ve never been that way. The life, okayness. Happiness. Look at the nature. The trees leaning towards each other, back-dropped by a blue sky. Bamboo sticks. Fake grass. A worn, coloured hammock.

Eliza, you are okay and you will be okay. Just breathe. Let it all pass. Nothing lasts forever. That applies to both good and bad. Everything has to reach neutrality eventually. Eliza, I love you and am with you. Always. You’ve got this. You’re worth it. You deserve it. You can get there. And Eliza, there is a there. It’s not nothingness, however much at the moment that may be how it seems.

Luv ya Eliza. Always.


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