Letter to myself: 28th August ’17

Eliza

I’m stuck for words. I’m sorry it hurts so much. I know that you don’t know why it does, and, that’s okay. It doesn’t make it less real. I know how much you want it to stop. It seems like, if you can’t stop the train, maybe you should jump off, even though the train is going over a bridge and you’ll drop miles below onto the jagged rocks at the bottom. I know that seems like a feasible option. Because the train won’t stop. But Eliza, it will stop. It may not stop this moment in time, but it will (stop). You are worth it. You do deserve it. I know you don’t believe it. I wish I could make it safe for you to be. I’m sorry that I can’t. I’m sorry that I can’t give you what you need. Just hold on. Hold on. It’ll get easier. Remember ‘Go as long as you can, and then take another step’? Just take another step. Just stay on the train and don’t jump off it.

I love you.

Eliza

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