Hi :) I love you, you know.
This world is full of triggers. Being triggered means as much as you want it to mean. Being triggered is normal. There will always be things that trigger you. In one way or another. You can be triggered by things easy to pinpoint. Like last night, you were triggered by a blog post, and then putting on kelo cote (anti scar gel) was a bigger trigger. You can be triggered without knowing why you are. This world is made up of triggers. Like hunger being a trigger to eat. The sight of food being a trigger to eat. Or think of your students. when one asks to go to the bathroom, another always does too. As one student said ‘When someone else asks it makes me feel as though I need to go’.
Triggers are normal Eliza, and a part of everyday life. What matters isn’t the thoughts, or desires, but how you act on it. So, last night you thought about self harming. AT the time it seemed really real. Today I know it wasn’t very real. There’ve been times you’ve wanted to self harm and it was a real fight. Last night wasn’t. You were triggered by what you read, by scars and a host of other factors. Everything has as much meaning as you decide to give it.
Life doesn’t define you. You actions don’t define you. Your thoughts don’t define you. You get to define yourself. You get to build your life on that definition.
Think of your clothes. How you dress today in a way that doesn’t define or reflect you at all. Yet you are now okay with it. For you know that your clothes don’t define you, you know why you are making the choices you are (well, in this situation), and you know that you define yourself.
Triggers, being triggered, doesn’t define or reflect you in any which way. I wonder if you ever won’t be triggered. I wonder if there will come a day that you’ll never think of self harming using, starving yourself (well, not eating is something that can actually still play out so isn’t the best example). You may always be triggered. And it doesn’t mean a thing. It means whatever you want it to mean. You get to choose what power to give to anything in your life. You get to define your life.
Always and forever