Letter to myself: 18th August ’17

Eliza

It’s okay. It’s okay. Just breathe. You are okay. You will be okay. I promise you. It will get easier. I know it can’t seem possible. You are worth it. Eliza, I promise you it’s okay. It’s okay if you’re scared. It’s okay if you’re freaking. It’s okay if you use. It’s okay if you hate yourself. I don’t like how much you hate yourself, but, it’s okay. Whatever is, or isn’t, I promise you it’s okay. I love you. I love you as you get up (in the morning). I love you as you take care of yourself. I love you as you hurt yourself. I love you when you help others. I love you when you refuse to give a moment of your time. I love you when you spend time with people. I love you when you isolate yourself. I love you when you hold back from something for just a moment, I love you as you use or hurt yourself. I love you as you do your hair, I love you as you organize, I love you as you write, I love you always. Whether you are doing okay, or not. Whether you are living in the present, or future/past. Whether you’re calm, or freaking out. I love you always. It’s okay. Always. It always will be okay. Nothing is permanent. Nothing lasts forever. Nothing stays. Essentially, you are okay. Regardless of whether you can or can’t get in touch with it. It’s okay. Yeah, it’s okay that you’ve used to deal. It’s okay if you use more to deal. No, I don’t want you to to be using. It’s not going to help you long term. And it’s wrecking your life. But, you know that. And are doing what you can. And it is okay. I love you either way. Always. And am with you. Always. You’ll always deserve it. Even if it doesn’t seem so. It’s okay. And you are okay.

Eliza

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