I want to still type out one of my other letter’s to myself, but not at the moment. I guess when I write it on here (like now) it gets posted on here, otherwise it sometimes happens later. Tired now. Probably gonna be short but will be see.
Hello Thursday. I’m glad you’ve reached the end of the week, and are okay. Hey, I just realized, I don’t think you threw up at all today. Well, it’s a long day so can’t remember. Hmm, I don’t think you did. Maybe tried and didn’t actually once but that’s it. Yahoo!! Don’t focus on what you did or didn’t do though.. it’s an aside. The main thing is the mindset. Is the world you’re living in. Whether you’re living in the real world, or the world of your head.
The external world you are living in is beginning to settle down. I’m glad. You need it to be calmer. I’m proud that you’re mostly giving yourself the time you need, although you feel like some of it is stupid (like half an hour to an hour each evening to colour randomly and tap on it, which you haven’t actually done tonight), some you don’t see the point of but know is supposedly healthy (like shower, and lotion/powder routine afterwards). You know Eliza, although today you can’t see the point of the routine, it actually will help you a lot some day. For one thing, it’s healthy to have a good routine. For another, when you have a proper wind down, deal with the day, schedule, even if it takes 2 or more hours, it’ll give you the time you need to process, and yeah everything takes a looong time, and that’s okay. Also, it takes time to get into a routine, and although today you don’t see the point of it all, like why bother with self care, coz’ you don’t care for it, at all, I hope one day you’ll appreciate self care, and see why it’s actually caring for yourself, instead of just a meaningless action which you’ve included into your evening.
It’s late and, gosh, it’s really late. This usually gets written latest an hour and a half before this time, occasionally an hour. I’m proud of you for keeping it up! It’s actually a really cool way to process the day if you haven’t yet done that. Which tonight you haven’t. No journaling or colouring was done today. Some days are busier than others. Some days you won’t do it all, and that’s okay. It’s all okay Eliza. Coz’ you are okay. And coz’ you always will be okay. You’re worth it. I believe in you and know that you’ll get there. You’ll get to living a life you love.