Letter to myself – 14th September ’19

Eliza

Hi.

It’s been a while. It’s been so long that I don’t know what to say to you. I love you. Cry if you want. I don’t know what is going on and that’s okay.

You wonder where reality lies. Why am I saying this? I wanted to talk some wisdom to you. For you were wondering what all the darkness you’re spouting on these pages tonight are about. If they’re real. I don’t know if it’s real. I don’t know what you think or feel. You class almost every moment as okay. Some good. Some tired. A couple meh or overwhelmed. Most okay, even when you are freaking out. So what is in your world? I just don’t know. I wish I did. For then I could give you the key.

I do know that we’ll find the key. And Eliza, when we find the key, we’ll find a beautiful garden. Filled with flowers and weeds. Tangled and tended to. A beautiful garden. Awesome in it’s wilderness. And together we’ll prune and let it continue to grow. We’ll find a garden Eliza. We’ll find a garden.

There is something there. You aren’t nothing. When you see reality, you’ll know reality is real, exists. It’s not emptiness. It’s not an illusion. It is there. It’s there. We’ll find the key Eliza. And we’ll unlock the door. And have fun playing. And learning. Learning the names of the plants and the purposes they serve. Looking at the beauty. Lying in the sun. It’ll be awesome exploring. Like Mary Lennox (The secret garden).

I’m looking forward to it Eliza. We’ll do it. Together.

I’m with you Eliza. Always. I will always stay with you. Even when you mess up. That doesn’t mean you should use cocodamol now (as you’re thinking). No, it won’t actually do anything to you. It probably will send you spiralling. Which isn’t really worth it.

I love you E.

People do care. Even if you haven’t met those people yet. Or can’t accept or believe it. You’re worth it.

I’m looking forward. Just breathe. Do or don’t type this up. Watch a movie or play a game. Put on music. Every moment is a new moment of life. Every moment you are planting and tending to the garden E. Even if you can’t see it at all. Ever if you can’t experience it.

I love you.

Always and forever.

Eliza

16 thoughts on “Letter to myself – 14th September ’19

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  1. It’s so rare to see someone telling themselves that they love themselves … and lovely. we all need that self-love in our lives, in the best way.
    I love the book secret garden … sometimes I’ll pick it up and just read even though it’s a children’s book – I know there beauty and truth in it, whatever audience it’s targeting.
    your words also reminded me of the song “lemon boy” by cavetown.
    I love you too, Eliza ❤️
    power to the local dreamer ||-//

    1. I love all children’s books. I read childrens more than adults… I’ll check out the song now.
      How’s school/uni?
      Love, light and glitter
      PS I liked the song :)

      1. I’m glad you liked the song! it’s so cute but with a little room for thought too :)
        school is going … well. the literature/art related subjects are my favorites but the sciency ones are my #1 stress causers XD it’s ok though, most of my teachers are great :)
        and you? how is your work going?
        power to the local dreamer ||-//

        1. I’m glad you have good teachers, for they’ll help you understand what you need help with. I love that you’re getting to do art and literature!
          Work is going…. I think when I get into what I’m doing I’ll enjoy most of it. Some less, some more. At the moment it’s stressful and tiring but it’s getting better every day.
          Love, light and glitter

  2. So beautiful this all and your reference to The secret garden. Also the way how you write is really amazing! I do it as well sometimes, writing letters to myself. It’s like some kind of therapy.

  3. Beautiful. That magical garden may be closer than you think. Just in case you need reminding… You are worth it, you matter, you touch the lives of so many through your writing without even realising. You are a gem in this world. Sending lots of love your way my friend ?
    Caz xxxxx

  4. Ah, but already you posses the two most important keys, Eliza – determination and anticipation.

    What these letters, specifically, and the garden, generally, show is that you see the light glowing just past the corner ahead, and that you’ve resolved to reach it.

    Those elements, will and vision, are vital tools to posses, as they, and they alone, unlock the garden gate. Glad we have them with us on this adventure.

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