It’s the journey, not the destination #166

I wrote this earlier. I feel insecure posting it as I knew when I wrote it that it wasn’t well written. However, if I wait to read it through I’ll just delete it. So, 166 – It’s the journey, not the destination.

It’s the journey. Not the destination. It’s the journey.

I often, always, ask what the ‘there’ I’m aiming for is. Where I’m trying to get. I was just writing this letter out – I’m writing out all the LTM’s in a LTM journal. And it’s one of the things I wrote. That maybe the there isn’t an end destination. Rather the there is the journey. The ‘there’ I constantly wonder if I’ll ever get to. The ‘there’ I wonder if it’ll make hanging onto life for so long worth it. The ‘there’ that seems nonexistant. Maybe it doesn’t exist. For what is this ‘there’ that we’re aiming for? What is this ‘there’ I want?

It’s not about the destination. There is no real end destination. I don’t actually know what I want from my life. I don’t know where I want to get to. I know I want to love the life I live, and live a life I love. None of that has a set ‘there’ necessary. For the only there that there is, is this. This moment in time. The journey. The continuing on. The lessons learned. The being. The being including the need to use. The need to escape. The learning. I realised yesterday that my job overwhelms me. That being with children for a long time is overwhelming (being with people). I was annoyed, like, what, it’s taken journaling about why I didn’t go somewhere I had to go yesterday to figure out that my job overwhelms me. The job I’ve been doing for 6 years. SIX YEARS! I’ve never realised it. That it overwhelms me. People overwhelm me. You’d think being around people and continued exposure or whatever would make it less overwhelming. But no, it doesn’t. So last night I didn’t go out as planned for the thought of the crowds freaked me out. Last night I realised that I do freak out in my job. I often give my students things to do that don’t need me present for I’m not handling it. I often leave for a bathroom break. Because it’s too much. So I’m annoyed that I only realised it now. But hey, at least I know six years along the line :). And, it’s about the journey. So I know. It’s not going to change anything for I want to work with children. I love children and plan to continue. It’s about the journey. There is no ‘there’. For when we get ‘there’ then what? Jump off the cliff? It’s about the now. The journey. Today. And I’m repeating the same words over and over. Once again this isn’t a post I planned to write. I hate that I feel like it’s so grammatically incorrect. I hate the insecurity involved. But it just is.

So long as there’s life, there’s hope.

What journey are you on?

I’ve decided that if I create a blog I can ramble on the title would be journey to life. Or the tagline. The tagline of this blog is journey from suicidality. It’s a journey from somewhere. There has to be a ‘to’ to make it worth it. To life. To this journey we’re all on whether we do or don’t like it. To life.

The journey.


21 thoughts on “It’s the journey, not the destination #166

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  1. I am SO glad you didn’t re-read this and delete it, just posting it as it was was definitely the right choice. This is brilliant. Sometimes it can take a long time to come to certain realisations, so better later at 6yrs than never ;) And I agree about it being the journey, even though I get so stressed by how life overwhelms me and I don’t have a clue what I’m doing, what I want, where to do from here. Easing up on the notion of having that destination and instead looking at the journey with markers and goals along the way is so much more manageable and meaningful.xx

    1. Thanks!
      When I ramble or write what I’m thinking I always feel like it’s horrendous. Oh well
      Happy Wednesday!
      Love, light and glitter

  2. It’s amazing how we writers (I am including myself in the group) need to write to find our voices. I guess the old saying about practice making perfect is not too far off the mark. The journey is the important thing.

  3. I am a retired teacher, and all I know is I loved teaching but it was exhausting!
    When I retired, I didn’t know what I wanted from life or what life wanted from me!
    It definitely is a journey, and I know it changes!

    1. Thanks for sharing that Wendy
      What did you do when you retired? What do you do now? (only if you don’t mind answering)
      Teaching is exhausting, even what I do which is only groups.
      Love, light and glitter

  4. “So long as there’s life, there’s hope.” That is a beautiful way to look at things and I remember that tagline from when I first followed you. At least you have been around children – I have never been around children and couldn’t begin to know how to interact with them. I never had siblings, never babysat and never really hung out with my friends once they had families as we lost that bond in common from when we were younger. I saw my cousins twice growing up – at my grandparents’ funerals and that was because my mom had an argument with her brother and they were estranged. Only one time in my life held a baby and it spit up in my purse and I freaked. (Yes, you are laughing.) So you have six years under your belt for being around kids and teaching them … that counts for something in my book. Try going to malls when it is not busy, just kind of getting yourself used to crowds, or going to farm markets where people gather, but don’t go at peak times – I don’t enjoy crowds just because I am a solitary kind of person. When I was younger I was with crowds more … school, concerts, group events where I went with friends … it doesn’t have to be big events, start out small, especially once Spring gets here.

    1. I actually think you’d be phenomenal with children. You’re patient, kind, caring and loving. And that’s all children want. I’d freak out if a baby sicked in my purse too!
      It’s a good idea about that. I like shopping and often freak out shopping unless it’s quiet. Though maybe going more when it’s quiet instead of freaking out would be a good idea.
      So long as there’s life, there’s hope. Yeah, today was actually good (I’ll write more when I have the space to read your email, in case you’re not interested, you just don’t need to read :) )
      Love, light and glitter

      1. Well thank you for saying that Eliza – I have never even interacted with kids … we don’t even have them in the neighborhood. In fact when we moved here from Canada in 1966, it was mostly retirees on our small block and the only kids were kids the same age as me. I would do better as a dog sitter than a baby sitter so I’m glad you have some confidence in me. Yes, I don’t like shopping with a big crowd and one year I went to the mall on “Black Friday” (which I understand you have over there now – I thought it was just an American thing) … I thought it would be fun … it was not, it was wall-to-wall people and we all just shuffled along as a group, like a herd of cattle, only veering off to go to the store we wanted to go to – never again. I’m not a fan of crowds for anything … anymore, in our current way of the world, the idea of being in a large crowd when something bad happened would shake anyone to their core. I’d start small if I were you – I go to the grocery store on a weekday if possible to avoid the crowds and not to avoid the flu … don’t need a Saturday crowd at the grocery store to bring home germs. With nicer weather coming maybe you could venture out more – even look into the walking group after you have ventured out more and are more accustomed to walking greater distances. Keep writing – I read it all. Love, light and glitter back at you who is snoozing away in the middle of the night.

  5. I have been where you are -over whelmed. The beauty about teaching is you get a new beginning every year. It may be time to ask yourself some questions: 1. What about this job bothers me: the staff, hours, place or kids? 2. Do I want to be doing this ten years from now? 3. Was I put on the earth to do this or am I running from my destiny? I hope you will find peace and happiness along your journey.

    1. Hmm, that’s very true. And helpful to think about.
      I love my job.
      I’m okay with the hours.
      The staff can be overwhelming but that’s really just because I’m shy and get scared.
      The kids are gorgeous and I love them.
      I want to continue working with children. I like the age I’m working with too. I don’t really want to continue with exactly what I’m doing, I rather something similar but different, just not sure exactly what… or how to even know what…
      I love question 3….

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