I thought

I thought
I thought it was different
I thought it was past
I thought

I thought it’s been a long while (6 months)
I thought I’d never really use again
I thought that even if I’d want to, I wouldn’t need to
I thought I’d never go back there
I thought I was stronger than it
I thought I knew
I thought I was in control
I thought
I still haven’t
I still haven’t gone back there
I still haven’t used cocodamol (only a coupla codeine)
I still haven’t gone back there
I still haven’t
No one says I ever will
I thought
I thought I get to define it all
Yet somehow
Somehow I don’t
Somehow it’s not me
I mean it is me
But only a part
The part that I don’t want to define me
I thought
It used to be
That I had to mess up
Coz’ otherwise I was destroying
The part of me that wanted to
I knew that by not listening to that side
I was slowly getting rid of it
It hurt
Destroying a part of myself
In order not to destroy myself –
Destroying through ignoring
The me that wants destruction
The me that wants to ruin everything
The me that has to get rid of anything in the way
Of ultimate self destruction
I knew I wasn’t listening to that part
And yeah it hurt
To destroy that part of myself, that ‘me’
But it hurt in a good way
I was happy to
To listen to the me
The me that believes in life
The me that believes in hope, possibility
The me that believes I could do it
I thought
I thought that was the only side
I’d ever listen to
I thought.
I thought wrong.
And yeah
I know it doesn’t mean anything
So I’ve listened to one side
Doesn’t mean I have to listen to it always
Doesn’t take the constant choice away
Doesn’t change that I can live in the moment only
But yet
I thought.
I thought I could do it.
I thought I’d always do it.

I thought.

I thought wrong.

I'd love to hear your thoughts

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