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Family, Reason 194, Tamara Yancosky

Family –

Whether near, or apart,

my family is always in my heart.
.
My family is my life, and my life is my family.

My words can never come close to conveying my love for each of my family members, and neither can my actions. But, if they could reach into my heart, they would understand the depth of my love for each of them.
My family is my purpose of life.

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Tamara Yancosky

Survival Through Faith

Featured post

I wish I could have told you this before you killed yourself

I’m rescheduling/reblogging what I wrote because, it’s applicable today. I wish I had the words.

A 16 year old girl in my community committed suicide the other day. I wish I could have spoken to her. I’m not sure if I’d know what to tell her. I’m not sure that there’s anything to say.

Dear ____ . Scrap the dear.

Hi.

If you’re reading this I’m guessing you’re suicidal. Have thought, are thinking of, suicide as a viable option. I know that place. Where the only option is to end your life in order to end the pain. It isn’t about ending your life I know. It’s about stopping the world. Getting off from a world you didn’t ask to be part of. Maybe that’s just how I see it. The train moving way too fast on the tracks, the tracks ending at a cliff, the train is going to hurtle down the cliff and you’re going to be shattered to pieces at the bottom. Or you can just get off the train of life. Continue reading “I wish I could have told you this before you killed yourself”

Featured post

Don’t let this journey end – What is your reason to live

I started this site when I was suicidal and wanted to focus on the reasons to live rather than the reasons to die. I’d love this list to keep on growing and growing…. I can’t do it on my own. I want and need help writing reason posts.

Would you be happy to share your reason or reasons (as a post or more than one post) on my blog?

Continue reading “Don’t let this journey end – What is your reason to live”

Featured post

#195 Is it worthwhile to give? by Cerrato Mom

Is it better to give or to receive was the blog title. I loved her post. What’s better? To give or to get? When I’m stuck in my head, one the things that really helps me get out of it is giving. It helps me to get out of my own head, and see the world around me. The people around me. The colour around me. Giving is definitely one of my reasons to live.

Last week I found myself in a bit of a rut. I was feeling sorry for myself for silly reasons. So what did I do? I decided to do something nice for somebody else…and guess what? I instantly felt better. It’s amazing how our mind set can change when we take the focus off of […]

via Is It Better To Give Than Receive? — Cerrato Mom

Giving is what gives meaning, and purpose, and makes it worthwhile. For life, on its’ own, never seems worthwhile to me. But to give? To be? That definitely gives it some meaning, purpose, and reason.

So long as there’s life, there’s hope. Let’s make the world a better place!

Love, light and glitter

Letter to myself: 15th November ’19

Dear Eliza

You don’t want to say hello to me. You don’t want to see what is for you’re scared. Although, what is (going on), is so good. There’s nothing to be afraid of. Even if it weren’t good, you’re strong enough to handle it. Plus you’ve got me with you always. You never have to be afraid. You’ll never have to face this world alone. You’ll always have me.

I love you Eliza. And I’m with you always.

I do wonder what is going on in your world. I feel locked out, although I know you’re locking yourself out too. For hiding behind a blanket means there is nothing beyond the blanket, right? I don’t think there are any monsters under the bed, but you’re scared anyways. You’re scared because you don’t know for certain that their aren’t. And, if you look under the bed, you may find a ball of fluff, and some dust, which is really easy to clean up. You may also find a monster. A monster which will grab hold of you and pull you under the be with it as soon as it glimpses you.

Eliza, if that happens, if the monster under the bed takes you, I’ll take you back. I’ll help you to fight the monster and destroy it. Or, as they said in krav maga, to defend yourself and run away. Don’t engage when you don’t need to.

You can’t hide under the covers for eternity. It would be cool if you could but that’s not even what you want. You don’t know what is under the bed. You’re scared of seeing. I promise you it isn’t as big or scary as you think it is. Even if it is, we’ll handle it. We can’t face it or deal with it if we don’t know what is there. When you’re ready.

When you’re ready Eliza. We will wait. I will wait for you, and I’ll stay with you. We’ll look under the bed together. And we’ll probably see that there was nothing there.

You’re scared of seeing what is. You’re on edge and some of the things you’re doing – like eating too much junk, throwing up when you do, reading xxx, aren’t positive and you think that’s a bad sign. You don’t want to know what is going on in your world.

At the same time Eliza, at the same time you’re trying out things. You’re taking care of yourself. You’re spending time with friends and being honest. You’re looking at volunteering, exercise and new opportunities.

The world is a mixture. All that you are doing shows me that you’re okay and that you can face why you’re not being perfect with food. Coz you’re normal and not perfect?

When you’re ready.

I love you Eliza. I love you as you’re present. I love you when you aren’t, too. I love you as you eat good/healthy things. I love you as you try not to purge, or you do. I love you when you’re calm. I love you when you’re freaking out. I love you Eliza. I love you always. I will love you always. Just as I’ll be with you always. You’re worth it. You’re special and awesome. You’re deserving.

Always and forever,

Shabbat shalom Eliza,

Eliza

More Amazing Street Art — Mitch Teemley #192

Street art #192.

The awesomeness of this. I loved Mitch’s post sharing this work because it really is amazing!! We look around us and see so much awesomeness, sometimes it’s natural, sometimes it’s manmade.

Temporary, permanent, sweet, shocking, whimsical, thoughtful… Art can be anything, I think, except boring. And while a picture may be worth a thousand words, it is much more than mere information. It speaks to a different part of our selves. Art is more of a waking dream than a speech, and it should never be […]

via More Amazing Street Art — Mitch Teemley

So long as there is life, there is hope.

Love, light and glitter

Eliza

LTM: 24th September 2019

Dear Eliza

Just to tell you that I’m with you and always will be with you. The day can bring anything along. Whatever it brings your way, I’ll be with you. For the good, for the bad, for the neutrals. I’m with you. I will be with you. Always.

You’re worth it.

I love you Eliza

Always and forever

Eliza

Speck of Hope 191

Speck of Hope –

Hello, from Tamara!

Today was an especially rough day for me, emotionally. My bad day began from something that happened to me yesterday, and the day before that, as well. This something opened up old wounds that I thought had thoroughly healed through my reasoning skills. 

As an emotional person, sometimes reasoning skills go out the window when triggers seep in through my protection barrier.

Today was no better, but actually worse than even the two days I had just experienced. So then, everything suddenly began triggering me simply because I was already so miserable.

Continue reading “Speck of Hope 191”

Is giving up an option? — Rinum’s blog #190

We struggle. We fall. We fail. We think giving up is the best option. I know I definitely do! Giving up is way way easier than continuing on. I was actually just responding to a comment here saying exactly that. That suicide is easier than continuing to live. Yet, giving up keeps us broken. Rather than whole. Another post I wrote on my JTL blog is that maybe the tough things are there to let us choose to access the strength and courage we never knew we possessed.

Lets them tap into their unknown strength, which if they didn’t need it, they would never have found it. Never have known just how courageous and strong and beautiful they are.

Maybe it is what the tough times are there for. Is giving up an option? I wanted to reblog this on my blog Journey through Life, then realised that it’s a perfect reason to live. Thank you Rinum for sharing and letting me reblog this. 

Every time I’m at the verge of giving up, my mom slaps sense into me. Literally. Her hand is so heavy that she could send me back to Pakistan with the flick of her finger. But every time I say, “I can’t do this.” She makes that face where she clenches her jaw and her […]

Queen Saleena being brutally wounded and hurt fled from the battlefield and ran into the deadly forest. There she sat under a tree and tended to her wounds. She couldn’t believe what had happened. How could someone a strong as her, be subjected to such weakness. The Queen wanted to give up, so she decided to leave Halacin and settle down in the mountains of Alani.

But as soon as she rose to her feet to flee, she saw a little bird with a broken wing, sitting on a tree branch, with a lion cub lingering beneath it.[…]

The eleventh time the bird tried to escape she flew as high as she could, even though she squeaked because of the pain that her wing was causing her. But her flight didn’t last, and she was slowly descending to the ground. The cub saw the opportunity and leaped into the air to eat the bird. This time the bird didn’t run away, instead, she came down with force and slammed her beak into the cub’s eye with such intensity that the cub started bleeding. The cub became blind in one eye and ran away, disappearing into the forest.[…]

via Is giving up an option? — Rinum’s blog. Her entire post is awesome. Check it out on her blog.

So long as there’s life, there’s hope.

Love, light and glitter

Eliza

Letter to myself – 14th September ’19

Eliza

Hi.

It’s been a while. It’s been so long that I don’t know what to say to you. I love you. Cry if you want. I don’t know what is going on and that’s okay.

You wonder where reality lies. Why am I saying this? I wanted to talk some wisdom to you. For you were wondering what all the darkness you’re spouting on these pages tonight are about. If they’re real. I don’t know if it’s real. I don’t know what you think or feel. You class almost every moment as okay. Some good. Some tired. A couple meh or overwhelmed. Most okay, even when you are freaking out. So what is in your world? I just don’t know. I wish I did. For then I could give you the key.

I do know that we’ll find the key. And Eliza, when we find the key, we’ll find a beautiful garden. Filled with flowers and weeds. Tangled and tended to. A beautiful garden. Awesome in it’s wilderness. And together we’ll prune and let it continue to grow. We’ll find a garden Eliza. We’ll find a garden.

There is something there. You aren’t nothing. When you see reality, you’ll know reality is real, exists. It’s not emptiness. It’s not an illusion. It is there. It’s there. We’ll find the key Eliza. And we’ll unlock the door. And have fun playing. And learning. Learning the names of the plants and the purposes they serve. Looking at the beauty. Lying in the sun. It’ll be awesome exploring. Like Mary Lennox (The secret garden).

I’m looking forward to it Eliza. We’ll do it. Together.

I’m with you Eliza. Always. I will always stay with you. Even when you mess up. That doesn’t mean you should use cocodamol now (as you’re thinking). No, it won’t actually do anything to you. It probably will send you spiralling. Which isn’t really worth it.

I love you E.

People do care. Even if you haven’t met those people yet. Or can’t accept or believe it. You’re worth it.

I’m looking forward. Just breathe. Do or don’t type this up. Watch a movie or play a game. Put on music. Every moment is a new moment of life. Every moment you are planting and tending to the garden E. Even if you can’t see it at all. Ever if you can’t experience it.

I love you.

Always and forever.

Eliza

Finding a parking space #189

Parking. People who know me know that parking is one of the biggest bugbears of my life. I know, my last reason was driving. One of my last reasons, since I’ve just found this in my draft folder. Sometimes I drive, and I’m looking for a parking space, and hey presto, there’s a space just there. Sitting and waiting. Just for me! I seriously feel that way. That the spaces are waiting for me. That they’re there because I need them. I like driving through better than parking. The other day I was reversing into a space (if I reverse into a space I don’t have to then reverse out. Reversing into a space feels safer for there is less risk of cars or people that I can’t see. I hate reversing. Well, parking, reversing, all of it which isn’t actual driving.) and, somehow, miraculously, I landed directly into the space! Like, perfectly! My car was even straight. It was in between the two lines. Was far back enough. And I was exactly IN THE SPACE. I say landed, since it had nothing to do with my parking skill. The other day, the day prior to this miracle parking, I drove through 2 spaces and parked on a slant. My friend who was with me commented on my ability to have such an easy space and yet always remain at a slant.

Parking. Sometimes I find it easier to park, other times harder, I’m always grateful for those random strangers who direct me and help me with parking, especially when I’m reversing. Who wait for me to finish with no fuss at all, no matter that they’re waiting…

Finding a parking space. Finding an easy parking space. The people who help me to get my car into the parking space. I’m grateful for them all.

So long as there’s life, there’s hope.

Love, light and glitter

Getting my site back #188

I’m grateful to have access to my site. I’m grateful that it’s back up. Even though I’m not really using it much nowadays or doing with it what I would love to do with it (continue posting reasons).

#188 having my site back. I’m grateful to the awesome person who did this for me.

So long as there’s life, there’s hope

Love, light and glitter

Eliza

LTM: 18th July ’19

Dear Eliza

You are stronger than you could ever imagine. You are here. You could so easily have killed yourself. Yet you chose to give life a go. You chose life. Not death. You chose life for all the reasons you write. Primarily because death is final, life still gives you another option. And the belief. The belief in a little flicker of a light that was shadowed against the wall. You couldn’t see any light. You saw a reflection of a pinprick. You chose to believe in the light. Continue reading “LTM: 18th July ’19”

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