One Hundred and Sixty Two: Giving it to god

God

Pain. Is all I see
Pain. Is all there can be.
Pain. All around.
Pain. Without a sound.

God.

Supposedly, there’s reason.
Supposedly, there’s purpose
Supposedly, meaning.
Supposedly, feeling

God,

I don’t know, how to do this.
I don’t know how to continue
I don’t know how to live
I don’t know how to be

God

Supposedly you know
Supposedly you care
Supposedly you’re here
Supposedly you’re with me

God

All I want, is to give up.
All I want, is to use (painkillers)
All I want is to self harm
All I want is to destroy my life

God

Supposedly I’m strong
Supposedly I’m brave
Supposedly I’m courageous
Supposedly I’m worth it

God

All I can see is the anger
All I can see is the hatred
All I can see is the despair
All I can see is the emptiness

God

Supposedly there is more
Supposedly there is light
Supposedly there is colour
Supposedly there is beauty

God

The contradiction
The desolation
The temptation
The desperation

You can hold it all
You can be with it
You can stay
You can make it make sense

God

I can’t.
You can.
I can’t.
You can.
I can’t.
You can.
I won’t.
You will.

When I give up
You’ll take over
When I stop trying
You’ll stay with me until I can (try again)
When I drop the ball
You’ll pick it up
When I give up on life
You’ll live it for me

I can’t
You can
I can’t
You can
I can’t
You can
I won’t
You will

God

It’s yours, for I can’t do it
It’s yours, for it’s too much
It’s yours, for I’m giving up
It’s yours, each and every moment

God

I can’t. I won’t.
You can. You will.
I’m giving it. To you.
I’m giving it. To you.

13 thoughts on “One Hundred and Sixty Two: Giving it to god

Add yours

  1. You called to Him in your agony; your disillusionment. You bore your pain to Him. Then, you handed it over to Him. And you put your trust in Him.

    Eliza, this is beautiful, moving, and inspiring. This is Real.

  2. Wow, you have written this so well, that tug of war and trying to give it over to God because he knows you can, he’s there for you. You are one tough cookie and a beautiful soul, and no matter how tough things get, you will always be tougher. xxxxx

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