Thirty Four: No reasons to live

I was walking down the road thinking about reasons. Or rather about how nothing is worth it, how it’s not worth trying, how the world however beautiful it is can’t be reason enough, how it doesn’t make a difference that it’s so gorgeous – I just don’t care, how even though it should be moving it isn’t, how it can’t make me smile. And then about reasons, that yeah I love what I see, but I can’t write a reason unless I believe it. And I don’t believe what I see to be a reason. And the world around me is awesome. It really is. The blue sky. The trees. The sunlight reflecting on it. It’s a day to live for. A day I don’t want to be here for. No reason other than that I don’t want and that nothing can be a reason. And then I saw this. And found my next reason.

So no, it doesn’t fix my world. It does give me my reason. The proverbial silver lining that doesn’t exist. The sun between the clouds that’s for another time when I believe in it.


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  1. Clouds are my most favourite thing. Well, one of them. Painting them is a challenge and a joy too. I love when I’m in a plane and it’s raining and dark and windy and the plane climbs higher and higher then breaks through the cloud and there’s blue sky and calmness and cloud snowfields below. Pure magic. I look for images in the clouds and see monsters and people and animals. No two days are the same when there’s clouds.
    You are just as unique!

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