Someone emailed me this quote. I replied to her. Although I don’t believe in the quote fully. What would you attempt if you knew you wouldn’t fail? How about you NEVER can fail? That life is never about failing, rather about learning, about getting up, and about attempting :) Continue reading “One Hundred and Four: I would attempt”
I get to define my life. I get to choose what everything means. Everything that happens. Everything I do or don’t do. I get to choose what it means for me. I define it. No one and nothing else does. Continue reading “One Hundred and Three: The meaning I attribute”
I just saw this poem attributed to Dee Groberg. It’s exactly what I needed to hear at this moment in time.
Get up. And win that race. Life is one of tripping. Stumbling. Falling. We can choose, every single moment in time, whether to say in the mud, or whether to get up – and win that race. Continue reading “Ninety Nine: Get up and win that race”
What do you answer when people ask you what your scars are from?
I came across this list here, I was laughing through it.
- Don’t worry about it. Because of me, they now have a warning label!
- Well, let me just tell you this: You should NEVER EVER, under ANY circumstances, go out with a guy/girl that you met on the internet.
- “It’s a long story.” They usually leave me alone, but this one guy said, “I’ve got time.” Then I said, “I fell. [long pause] Ok, so it’s obviously not THAT long.”
- I took my lizards for a walk and they held on for dear life.
Was just listening to this
I’m constantly thinking about using painkillers. Less so about self harming, although that to. Often about throwing up, but that doesn’t feel like a need. Using and SH do. I know it’s not, but doesn’t change how it registers. I’m tired of thinking about it so much. I’m tired of constantly distracting. I’m tired of ignoring. I’m tired of acknowledging and moving on. Actually, I don’t acknowledge how much I want it enough.
Trigger warning. I won’t be editing my words at all. Continue reading “Painkillers – TW”
I’m frustrated. Because I was listening to this call. And it was frustrating me. Some of it I really relate to. Some of it I agree with. Some of it, I don’t at all. And the people who wrote the ‘book’ believe in it so thoroughly. I hate how people follow like blind sheep. Continue reading “12 step call I listened to”
I wrote this elsewhere, and decided to take it and go with it, try make something positive of it.
As I said, I feel like I’ve fallen off the cliff edge and have no clue how to prepare myself for landing, or what even is at the bottom, way too far off for me to see.
Continue reading “Shards”
I’m sad. Disappointed with myself. Took a couple of codeine. it doesn’t do anything, but, whatever. Gonna try write to myself.
I love you.
You didn’t fail, you know. Continue reading “Letter to myself: 17th March ’18”
I guess this can count as a reason. I’m grateful for it either way :)
I wanted to curl my hair before. I’m going out tonight and thought I’d do it, rather than keep it up (at the moment I’m wearing my hair up, it’s a little bit of a mess). I don’t have a curler in my room. Well, I do, a new one that hasn’t been opened and that I never use in order to preserve it’s newness. Continue reading “Eighty: The Pause (TW – SH)”
What do you want me to say to you? Only you can talk to yourself. Which I guess you’re doing right now. I know you’re stuck. I don’t know what to say. I see the 2 options so clearly. Use more. Don’t use more. Use more and you don’t know where it leads. Continue reading “Letter to myself: 8th September ’17”
It’s so much easier to mess up. To test the boundaries (of safety with painkillers). I know how much you want to. How much you feel it’s a need. I don’t know what to tell you. I can’t promise you that it’s worth it not to, for I just don’t know. I can tell you though, that people have done this before you. That however much it seems impossible to leave the tunnel you’re trapped in, especially when you aren’t ready to get up, people have done it before you. You have more power and strength than you believe. I know that using is safer. I know that the painkillers cloud everything over in a sense. I know that you can’t face dealing with the world at the moment. Just know that you aren’t alone. That you have the ability to get past this. And that you deserve life. I know you don’t believe that. But you do. You deserve to live. You deserve to be okay. You’re worth it. Even as you’re messing up you’re worth it.