Random words

Constriction

Desperation

I just want to

Breathe

I just want to

Be

Suffocation

Desolation

I just want to

Give up

I just want to

Stop

Abruption

Damnation

I just want to

Refuse

I just want to

Use

Accustomisation

Actualisation

I wonder what’ll happen

If I just continue

I wonder what’ll happen

If I live

Letter to myself: 22nd February 2019

I haven’t actually written to myself in quite a while. I’ve been wanting to all week so I guess I’m going to try.

Eliza,

Hi E

I don’t really know what to say to you. I don’t know how to tune into your world and really reach you. And that makes me sad. For me. For you. For both of us. All the same. That the distance is so necessary coz’ otherwise it just hurts so much. Continue reading “Letter to myself: 22nd February 2019”

Thinking about using

I’m constantly thinking about using painkillers. Less so about self harming, although that to. Often about throwing up, but that doesn’t feel like a need. Using and SH do. I know it’s not, but doesn’t change how it registers. I’m tired of thinking about it so much. I’m tired of constantly distracting. I’m tired of ignoring. I’m tired of acknowledging and moving on. Actually, I don’t acknowledge how much I want it enough.

Continue reading “Thinking about using”

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