Sixty Eight: I’m okay

I wrote a post a while back, Reason 54 – you’re okay. I know this is similar, but, for me it’s a different reason.

I’m okay. Hear that? I. Am. Okay.

The past few days have been hard. The past week has been tough. I’ve been overwhelmed, freaking out and fighting myself a lot. Yet, I’m still here. For some reason I haven’t majorly messed my life up or done anything (yet) to send me spiraling. And, I am okay. I can’t say I’m really passed it, for, I’m not. I can see how close I am to the edge from my actions, if nothing else. Usually I walk on a path next to the cliff, but I’m in the middle of the path. Now, either the path has narrowed, or I’m just deciding to walk along the edge of it.

However hard it may get, I usually know – although I can’t always tune in to it – that I am okay. That essentially I am okay. Regardless of anything going on around me, regardless of anything that you can say is going on within my head, I. Am. Okay. No one can ever take that essential okayness away from me. For it’s always there. For whatever I may, or may not, do I’ll be okay. For whatever may or may not happen I’ll be okay. There is a part of me that will remain untouched, and will be okay. So long as I can tune into that part of me, I will always stay okay, for that part is the essence, and, is reality. For, I am okay. Yes, even as I have done anything that I have done that may seem to prove to the contrary, I am okay. What I mean by so long as I tune into it, is that so long as I never do anything that would kill me, for the only way I can stop being okay is if I actually end it. Even if I were to attempt to end my life, I’d still essentially be okay. It’d just mean that I’d have tuned the okayness out enough to be able to act otherwise.

This post was way more eloquent in my head, when I was thinking of it. When I put it down now, it just doesn’t flow, or seem to put into words what I really mean, or how true it is.

You. Are. Okay. Yes – you are okay. I. Am. Okay. Yes – I am okay. You will always be okay. I will always be okay.

So long,

Ellie

7 thoughts on “Sixty Eight: I’m okay

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  1. I get the way you flow, the way you’re ok. That inner level of stability that holds it together, even during the darkest storms. for which I hope you will always be tuned into.

  2. Do hope you’re well this was yet another good read.
    Sometimes it is as simple as reminding ourselves we are ok ..like a good habit to get into.
    Hugs.Tc.Keep Smiling,
    Ruby.

    1. Thanks for visiting my blog JATS, and for commenting. I appreciate it!
      Yeah, I try to constantly remember that essentially I am always okay. It helps when I get closer to the edge to stay closer to safety.
      Eliza

  3. To me, you are “more than ok”…even if I get the drift of what you’re saying. You’re a warm beautiful person who often makes me laugh. Someone who can do that thinks about others. Maybe that means you’re not as close to the narrow edge of the path as you think. Sending lots and lots of hugs your way.

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