One Hundred and Thirty Six: Today I can be sad

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Today

Today I am sad.

Today

Today I can be sad

Today

Today it hurts

I miss AH

I miss that there is someone who could appreciate what is

Someone who will know how major it is that I actually want to live

Someone who will know how major it is that I stopped myself self harming, wrote to myself instead.

Someone who will know how major it is that I’m just living

Someone who will understand and appreciate my world

Today I am sad

I hate looking for help

I hate searching for a therapist online

I hate looking through endless profiles and feeling like none fit

None have the words I was advised to look for

I hate the closed doors that I constantly find

Today I am sad

Feeling really alone

Wishing there were others here, part of my life

Today I am sad

Sad that I can’t turn back the clock

Can’t change the things I’ve done that I regret

Can’t give the little me what I needed and never got

Today I’m sad

For the people I watch hurting

Hurting themselves and one another

Today I am sad

Sad that I can’t change reality

That I’m not in control of the world

Today I am sad

Sad that I’m not where I want to be

Glad that I’m not where I used to be

Today I am sad

I miss the people who used to be a part of my life

The people who used to reply

The people who used to care

The people who I don’t understand why they aren’t here

Today I’m sad

Today I know that it’s okay to be sad

Today I’m grateful that I can be sad

Today I’m grateful that I can let myself be sad

Today I’m grateful that I can be sad, and can be okay at exactly the same time

Today I’m sad

Today

Today I’m sad

Today that’s okay

Today

That’s my reason to live.

Eliza

To post your reason here please email me at elizareasonstolive at gmail.com

6 thoughts on “One Hundred and Thirty Six: Today I can be sad

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  1. Being sad sucks, especially when you feel you have no one to turn to. It’s a lonely place. I admire your honesty and ability to put your thoughts into words. Keep writing and sharing. You are stronger and braver than you know. Hugs.

    1. Thanks for reading… and for letting me know that you have.
      I often wonder how you’re doing…
      I don’t feel either strong or brave, just tired.
      Happy Sunday!

    1. Thanks for reading and commenting…

      I actually didn’t see it as so sad, because more than I was sad, I was just so grateful that I could be with what is, and let it be, acknowledge it without destroying myself over it. Grateful that I could actually recognise what was going on for me, even if I feel like ‘sad/happy’ are for year one (I want my year one kids to use words other than sad/happy, when to be honest I can’t), but it’s new. I guess that won’t always be, it won’t always – hopefully – be a novelty to actually be aware of of myself, but for now, it’s something I’m grateful for.
      I appreciate the people in my life, though they never really seem to be there either. Oh well.
      Why’m I rambling??

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