One Hundred and Thirty Five: Two Years

Two years. Two years sounds so long. And so short. It’s been exactly that. Two years. Since I chose to give life a go. Two years that have gone by really fast and really slowly at the same time. As a child said to me the other day – sometimes it’s the end of school when we just about said hello to the teacher, and sometimes the day goes on for FOREVER.

I’m not really sure what to write so I’m going to share what I wrote a.


2 years
It’s been 2 years
2 years since I really promised – chose
To give life a go
I had promised to try
Not to do anything for 6 weeks
That commitment wasn’t anything real
It was for 6 weeks only
At the end of those 6 weeks
I had to decide
What I would choose
Life or life
Life or death
Whichever way you term it
I chose life.
2 years ago. Tomorrow.
2 years tomorrow
I chose to give life a go
When it was nearing the one year mark
AH said something sensible
(And risky. But necessary.)
Take away the date
Take away the commitment
Let it be a moment by moment choice.
I chose.
I chose to live
In a world
A baffling world
A confusing world
An intense world
An awesome world
A beautiful world
A world in which I feel like an alien
Less so now, but still
A world I wonder whether I’ll find my place (in it)
A world that is stunning in the contrast
A world of contradictions that are all true
I chose to live in this world
I chose to live
Sometimes I’ve seen
I’ve seen a kaleidoscope of colours
I’ve seen darkness so intense
I thought there would never be a way out
I’ve seen beauty in the awesomeness of nature
I’ve seen love
I’ve seen laughter
I’ve seen light
I’ve seen anger
I’ve seen despair
I’ve seen confusion
I’ve seen hope
I’ve seen shattered dreams
I’ve seen people struggling
I’ve seen people serene in the struggle
I chose to live
In a world of beauty
The beauty of a flame in the dark
The beauty of the journey
I chose life
2 years ago
I chose life
I don’t usually regret my choice
I’ve realised
That I don’t necessarily want to die
I just didn’t (often don’t) want life
This life though
Is what I didn’t want
Not a life
A life that can be awesome
A journey of hills and valleys
A journey of shadows and sunrises
Mountains and viewpoints
Rock climbing, avalanches, relaxing
I chose to take this journey
It’s often a constant choice
Sometimes a choice of joy
Sometimes a choice with seemingly no choice
A choice nonetheless
The choice of life
I chose life
2 years ago.
2 years ago I didn’t dream
Of being where I am today
Of living life without messing up
Of learning
Of connecting
Of being okay with people
Of sharing my life
Of speaking
I didn’t dream it possible
To take down the walls
To tune into a world
To have the choice of staying tuned in
Of being present
Of talking to God
Of connecting to God
Of the stability the understanding of the world gives to me
Of working through what I believe
Of seeing all I’ve seen.
Some of what I’ve realised about myself is good
Most I’ve realised
Is all that has to change
2 years ago I never dreamed
Of being here today
2 years ago I wouldn’t/didn’t
Buy myself new clothes
Buy the little things I like
Eat much
Do much
For why bother
If I anyways wouldn’t be here soon.
It’s strange
It’s just a date
A significant date
2 years ago I never thought
I’d be here to write this today.
I’m grateful
Sometimes I’m grateful to be here
I’m grateful for all the little things
I’m grateful for all the big things
The people in my life
The things in my life
What is different
What isn’t different
I’m grateful I chose life
I’m grateful I gave myself the chance to see
All that could be.

2 years
Tomorrow
Tomorrow it’ll be 2 years
Since I chose to give life a go
2 years.

A world, lifetime, away.


Eliza

For 3 years I’d love to have 250 reason posts on my blog. I’d love your help in getting there! If you’re happy to post a reason of your own (glance through the reasons posted here and choose a different title) please email me and either I can invite you to post or I can post for you.

13 thoughts on “One Hundred and Thirty Five: Two Years

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  1. Beautiful post, wondrous words and how blessed we are that you chose life … or we wouldn’t get to know about the journey of your struggle … choosing life moment by moment is the best way to live, being in the present!

    I am impressed that you have come so far and done so well, hope you’re proud too?

    A few reasons I would give …
    we are a long time dead so why rush there
    when you’re down you struggle to survive; when you engage with life you are LIVING!
    wouldn’t you always wonder about what could have been
    life is a gift we need to live it :)

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