Letter to myself: 11th February

Eliza

Hi. Today’s letter comes to tell you that you’re okay. Yes, I know you’ve been messing up a little with food. Yes I know you’re struggling. Yes I know you’re confused. Yes I know you’re cutting off. Hurting, a lot. You’re okay. You are Eliza. You’ve proven it to yourself by not yet messing up. Yeah, you may be looking up how to buy things, or preparing things to use in future but, you haven’t actually taken any painkillers, you haven’t actually used anything to self harm. You’ve stayed safe. You are staying safe. It may be because you’ve tuned out so aren’t engaging with how much it all hurts. It’s okay Eliza. You are okay. It’s irrelevant what is or what isn’t. That’s not important. What is, is that you are okay. Regardless of anything. And you’ll always be okay.

You’re worth it Eliza. I don’t know how to prove it to you. It seems like today has just proven you that you can’t possibly be worth it, else others would care, would try to hear what you say, would be there, but it doesn’t make a difference what the world do or say. You don’t need anyone. You’ve got this Eliza. You are okay. You are worth it. You will get there. I’ve forgotten what the ‘there’ is that you’re aiming for. I don’t know what it looks like. I do know that the ‘there’ isn’t suicide. That you can live in this world and be okay. That although the world may be spiraling out of your control you can grip hold of it eventually. Even if not now, you can eventually. Not sure how, but it’s possible. You can do it. I’m with you Eliza. Always

Eliza

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