I want to destroy myself

I want to destroy
Myself
I want to
Destroy myself
I need to destroy
Myself
I always wondered
What lay behind
Why I needed to escape
Except that
All I needed
Wanted
To escape from
Was the need
To destroy
Myself
As fast as
In any which way
Possible
I want to destroy myself
I need to
I need to hurt myself
For what?
I don’t know
Knives blades
Blood
Gore
I hate the stuff
Blisters
The gooey icky stuff that ruins my clothes
I hate the stuff
I want to ask someone
To be my master
I want someone to hurt me
Punish me
Destroy me
I just want to
Destroy myself
And then I wonder
If not messing up my life
Is worth
Facing this
And wonder
If I don’t act on it
If I let it be
Let the need be
Let the pain of not acting
On a need
Be
Will I ever know
Why?
And be able to
Deal with that, instead?

One Reply to “I want to destroy myself”

  1. eliza, i just wish we could sit in a room together and talk. maybe for hours and hours. or maybe just a moment. and you don’t need a master. i have one. masters taunt and the taunts are worse than what one might think is the real thing. then, i’ve been lured into playing a game of chess… and that’s kind of a classic, isn’t it? yet in the movies, the protagonist ends up winning. so i wonder about the happy ending.

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