Warning, may act as a trigger
December I fought the urge to harm. But January I caved in. But this time it was different. Before there was that sense of relief, sense of release, sense of escape. But now there was nothing. Just emptiness, apart from that question of why, why was I doing it? What was I hoping to achieve?
Where there was once self loathing, there was now none, where there was that desire of self abandonment, there was none. All that there was were just blood and the thought why? Why had I done it? what had I hoped to have achieve? How could it achieve anything if that self destructiveness is no longer calling out to me.
All that is left is silence , a big gaping hole where that hateful voice used to reside that once called out to me to destroy.