Eighty One: Today is a new day

I messed up last night. By using codeine. Nothing really (twas just 3), but whatever it is counts as using if it’s to use, and not as pain relief. Well, I guess using is pain relief ;) but yah.
I’m disappointed, as, if I hadn’t, Wednesday would have been 6 months.

I kinda feel like, I messed up, I may as well make the most of it.

But, today is a new day.

I define today. I really do want to use. Having done so yesterday makes it so much easier to today, it kinda feels like it’s a waste not to take advantage of it.

Yet, today is a new day. This moment is a new moment. How’m I gonna define it? Yesterday doesn’t choose what happens now. I do. That doesn’t mean I won’t end up using later. For yeah, I really, really want to just mess up. For the escape. Coz’ I already did. To destroy the good. And coz’ I messed up the count so I feel guilty. I don’t know what will happen later – that’s a new moment to be defined at that time. I know that for this point in time, today is a new day. What was, what will be, doesn’t make any difference to just now.

For, today is a new day.

So long,

Eliza

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