I’m writing this on my phone so it’s going to be shorter than otherwise. I hate writing on my phone.
I love you. Just breathe. You are okay. I know you are on edge. I know the moment is really hard for you. I don’t know how to change it.
Continue reading “Letter to myself: 6th February ’18”
This is going to be short as it’s late and I am using my phone.
It’s the end of yet another day. I’m super proud of you. For living. For being. The little things do add up even if you can’t yet see how. The world is a confusing and challenging place for you. I wish I could change it but I can’t. You’ve just gotta live through it and hope and believe that with time it will change. The effort doesn’t seem worth the outcome, but hey, you never know.
I love you Eliza. You’re worth it. You can and will get there. I promise you. I believe in you.
Living in my head. No one ever asked me if it’s a place I want to live. If they ever asked, the answer would be an unequivocal no.
6.30am. Not that early. Except that I have been up since at least 4. Unable to sleep. Ended up thinking. Some of what I have realised is enlightening. More than that though, it’s scary. Continue reading “Living in my head”
Well, I have a few.
My primary New year’s resolution is to live through the year. I don’t mean as in live for a year which would be dating and make me suicidal at the end but to do all I can this year to live. To be okay in the world. Find my place in this world.
Which includes sticking with therapy although I can’t see a point. Which includes asking questions. Finding my place. Working through what I believe. Building healthy relationships. To live through this year. However daunting and scary that seems at the moment.
What are your plans, goals or thoughts for this year?
Usually, in the past, the primary reason I have self harmed is either as an escape, or more recently, as an attempt to listen to the part that wants, needs, self destruction. It comes with an intensity. I really need that intensity now.
Continue reading “I want the intensity of self harming”
Okay, so I’m kinda annoyed, and I guess this is a reply.
Why are you so afraid
Upon reading what I write
Why does the word suicide
Continue reading “Why are you so afraid?”
To be written out when can fill it in.
Four more reasons until the 50th.
It would help if I could actually think of any…. I want my 50th to be written in 9 days. Today it all is too much. Wherever I write I am stuck for words. There’s too much for me to be able to put it down.
I never knew that I could post on my phone. It’ll have to be short because I am on here. When I am back on my laptop I hope to fill in the posts properly.
Won’t be posting for the next few days. Will miss this focusing. Will try think of reasons (that I’ll probably forget when I want to write them 😉 ) anyways, at least write them up in my head if nowhere else.
This has nothing to do with reasons so I’m not sure if I should be allowing this post to be written 😉
Continue reading “Deadlines…”
So as most of you who are reading this know, I want everyone to be able to create their own posts on here….. If you want to post on here, it seems so complicated, I mean, to post on someone else’s blog? Really, I just have to add you as an author. So, on the contact page you are given information for how to contact me. You can fill out the contact form telling me that you’d like to be added as an author. Or just send an email directly. You’ll need to send a username, email address and password that you would like to use. Once you’ve done that I can invite you to post, and hey presto, you’ll be an author on this blog! I’d love for you to come and write your own posts, however long or short you want them to be.
I once begun writing this and never finished it. This is the unfinished, combined version….
I’m walking through a tunnel, long and winding. I walk along, through the blackness and wonder when the tunnel ends. But, I know, ‘there’s a light at the end of the tunnel’. I can see the glimmer, and that directs me. ‘Due to a technical fault the light at the end of the tunnel has been switched off’. Now, I’m walking in complete darkness. Without the guidance of the light. But I know with certainty that there’s an end to this tunnel, so, I continue walking. When, CRASH.
Continue reading “Charting a path – the tunnel”
So, introduction post, anyone??? This is to let all the many (I hope it won’t be zero!) readers know what this blog is about. Well, I don’t really know how to start, I want it to be interesting, and not have everyone rolling their eyes with boredom and stop reading before they start…. I guess I’ll start from the beginning. Ya know how they always say you should start at the beginning and all that….
Continue reading “My intro post”