Empty

Warning, may act as a trigger

December I fought the urge to harm. But January I caved in. But this time it was different. Before there was that sense of relief, sense of release, sense of escape. But now there was nothing. Just emptiness, apart from that question of why, why was I doing it? What was I hoping to achieve? Continue reading “Empty”

Living in my head

Living in my head. No one ever asked me if it’s a place I want to live. If they ever asked, the answer would be an unequivocal no.

6.30am. Not that early. Except that I have been up since at least 4. Unable to sleep. Ended up thinking. Some of what I have realised is enlightening. More than that though, it’s scary. Continue reading “Living in my head”

My new years resolution

Well, I have a few.

My primary New year’s resolution is to live through the year. I don’t mean as in live for a year which would be dating and make me suicidal at the end but to do all I can this year to live. To be okay in the world. Find my place in this world.

Which includes sticking with therapy although I can’t see a point. Which includes asking questions. Finding my place. Working through what I believe. Building healthy relationships. To live through this year. However daunting and scary that seems at the moment.

What are your plans, goals or thoughts for this year?

Eliza

Random

Four more reasons until the 50th.

It would help if I could actually think of any…. I want my 50th to be written in 9 days. Today it all is too much. Wherever I write I am stuck for words. There’s too much for me to be able to put it down.

So long,

Eliza

I’ll miss posting here

Won’t be posting for the next few days. Will miss this focusing. Will try think of reasons (that I’ll probably forget when I want to write them ;) ) anyways, at least write them up in my head if nowhere else.

So long,

Eliza

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