I hate that I’m thinking this way but it helps me to put down my thoughts. And however much my blog is about reasons to live, the tagline is journey from suicidality. Well, this is part of my journey. Continue reading “I want to be suicidal”
I came across an article describing The gift of BPD. I found it helpful, informative and loved reading it. I asked if I could copy it here but was told to post the link instead. Happy reading
I’m in tears here. And, it’s okay. I’m allowed to cry.
I’m rewriting all the letters I wrote to myself out in a separate journal. I have them all over, dotted through my journals (and considering that I use on average a new journal every 2 months, sometimes less, sometimes more), and in various places online. I want them all together. Continue reading “He left.”
I was wanting to use some stuff I had in my room to burn and was trying to calm myself down and be rational. Telling myself it was okay to want to didn’t work, so dialogued it through. Surprisingly enough (well, it was surprising to me) it helped.
Okay E, so you want to use them.
I. want. to. use. them.
Okay, so you want to
It’s not okay Continue reading “Dialogue through wanting to SH – TW”
I want to destroy
I want to
I need to destroy
Myself Continue reading “I want to destroy myself”
I’m in tears here. And I should journal. But this is something I want to write here.
I miss AH.
I’ve actually nothing else to say other than that. I miss AH. And there’s absolutely nothing I can do about it. I don’t know what the right thing even is. Continue reading “AH”
I saw this article here written in response to the death of Anthony Bourdain. I loved the description it gave, because it’s just so real, so relatable, and can describe all of life, what living in my world or the world of so many people I love, even without depression, but with anything else, is like.
When you have depression it’s like it snows every day. Continue reading “Reblog: What depression feels like”
I wish I would have time to rewrite this.
I feel like an alien. Who has been dropped onto planet earth. Without earth’s manual. Continue reading “Alien on Planet Earth”
Life feels like a drag. It’s not that it’s not good. It’s amazing. It’s better than amazing. It’s awesome. And, everything else. Seriously, it is. I’m seeing things that I’ve not seen before. I’m asking for what I want – well, sometimes I am – and actually getting it. I’m able to ask for what I want, in a way that makes sense. I even emailed someone recently ‘Hi, can I ask you for advice re xyz’, Continue reading “Is this as good as life gets???”
I was writing this as though addressing AH. I began responding to his email. Which turned into a ramble. Which I’d love thoughts on, but I doubt this post will be read by anyone. Continue reading “Rambling about/to AH”
Control. Letting go. Trust. Can I let go? Can I take control? Can I trust? It’s a paradox. Control vs trust. For most people will say that the opposite of control is letting go. I think trust is the opposite of control. For in order to really let go of control, you have to trust. I was just listening to a 12 step call, and was thinking about it whilst listening (yeah, distracting myself from listening ;) ). The topic was step 3. Letting go. Giving your will and life over to a power beyond you. Some of it I have no issue with. Some of it, well, I’m not so sure about…… Continue reading “Can I trust enough to give over control?”