LTM: 18th July ’19

Dear Eliza

You are stronger than you could ever imagine. You are here. You could so easily have killed yourself. Yet you chose to give life a go. You chose life. Not death. You chose life for all the reasons you write. Primarily because death is final, life still gives you another option. And the belief. The belief in a little flicker of a light that was shadowed against the wall. You couldn’t see any light. You saw a reflection of a pinprick. You chose to believe in the light. Continue reading “LTM: 18th July ’19”

LTM: 6th July ’19

Dear Eliza

I love that today is a good day. That this week has been a good week. You know, it’s all down to you. You held on. You didn’t give up. When you were freaking out, desperate to self harm, use, and destroy yourself and the good things, you held on. You didn’t act on it. You may have been freaking out, you were, yet you held on. Remember that for next time. Continue reading “LTM: 6th July ’19”

Letter to myself 25th March ’19

I don’t know if I’m really going to try and write to myself or not. I guess it doesn’t harm to and I can always just discard the post if I can’t. Now that I actually wrote it I’m not sure what I think. I don’t really know what I wrote or if I want to know. I’m tired and have no way of going to sleep for it seems like it’s going to spiral the moment I let it, so I guess we’ll find out what will be.

Hi E

I don’t really know what to say to you. I don’t know how to reach you. I don’t know what to do to make it okay. Continue reading “Letter to myself 25th March ’19”

Letter to myself: 22nd February 2019

I haven’t actually written to myself in quite a while. I’ve been wanting to all week so I guess I’m going to try.

Eliza,

Hi E

I don’t really know what to say to you. I don’t know how to tune into your world and really reach you. And that makes me sad. For me. For you. For both of us. All the same. That the distance is so necessary coz’ otherwise it just hurts so much. Continue reading “Letter to myself: 22nd February 2019”

Letter to myself: You aren’t guilty.

Eliza

I love you. I’m proud of you. Even as you get upset with your sister. I’m proud of you. I love you. Even as you hate that you’ve eaten too much. I love you even as you hate your body. I don’t know why you do. It’s kinda more recent. Maybe transference? I love you Eliza. Whatever you do or don’t do, I love you. And am proud of you. I wish I had a magic wand. Continue reading “Letter to myself: You aren’t guilty.”

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