I wish I knew what to say to you. I don’t.
You want to give up. Cry Eliza, cry. It’s okay. You know, he’s given you a gift – AH. Hurting you enough that you can cry about it. You let something in, I think he’s the only thing (person in this case) that you’ve ever really let in. I guess maybe that’s why he’s the first thing you’ve cried about in years. Continue reading “Letter to myself: 12th March”
I haven’t written to myself in a long while. Maybe I should do so now. Not exactly sure what I want to hear, but will see.
Just breathe. In and out. Properly breathe. Calm down. You’re okay Eliza.
Continue reading “Letter to myself: 4th March ’18”
I haven’t written to myself in a while. I don’t feel the need to in the same way. Not sure if I should try and continue writing to myself nightly, or stop with it.
What do you think? – about whether I should continue with this nightly or not for now? Continue reading “LTM: 24th February ’18”
I want to still type out one of my other letter’s to myself, but not at the moment. I guess when I write it on here (like now) it gets posted on here, otherwise it sometimes happens later. Tired now. Probably gonna be short but will be see. Continue reading “Letter to myself: 15th February”
Hi again 🙂 Welcome to the end of another day. Just to tell you that I’m proud of you. That I love you. That I’m with you. That you are okay. And that you are worth it and deserve it. Well, that’s the point always in writing to you. Yeah Eliza I’m proud of you. For doing your best. For trying to work through things. For doing what you think is the next right thing. I’m proud of you as you mess up (throw up). Coz’ you’re doing your best. I love you always. When the world give up you have your greatest ally at your side – yourself. You’re doing your best, your best may not be exactly as you wish it would be, but you’re doing whatever you can and putting in as much as you can. You are okay. Regardless of anything going on around you. I’m sad for you and with you. That it’s all gotten to be way too much so you’ve covered it all with a film. You loved that you were living in the world. I loved that you were living in the world. You still are, but with some disconnect. I guess that’s what messing with food via throwing up is giving to you. If it were to lose weight or disappear you’d stop eating. Throwing up has never caused weight loss for you. And although I’m sad that you’ve covered the world again, created a distance between you and it, I’m also okay with it. That you’re doing what you can to stay safe. Although it’s not the most amazing way to keep yourself safe, I don’t actually know of another way for you to have stayed tuned into it all and (can’t read what I wrote 🙁 ) it and stayed safe with it.
And Eliza, you’ll get it back. I think you’re more present now that you used to be, so even though it is not as tuned in as the past couple of months, they’ve given you something, and you can and will get back there. I guess that’s why you stopped throwing up a few months ago without actively trying to stop, for you didn’t need it, so it tapered off itself.
You’re okay Eliza. You will get there. Follow your dreams. Keep on doing what you are. One day the pieces will fall into place. You can and will do it. I believe in you.
Love you Eliza,
It’s the end of yet another day. The day’s seem endless now, but they won’t always be this long. There’ll come a time when you wonder where the days flew to, why you have so little time.
There’ll come a time…. Continue reading “Letter to myself: 12th February ’18”
Hi. Today’s letter comes to tell you that you’re okay. Yes, I know you’ve been messing up a little with food. Yes I know you’re struggling. Yes I know you’re confused. Yes I know you’re cutting off. Hurting, a lot. You’re okay. You are Eliza. You’ve proven it to yourself by not yet messing up. Continue reading “Letter to myself: 11th February”
I hate sitting to write letters to myself when I’ve nothing to say. Kinda tuned out and it’s hard to try connect when there’s seemingly nothing to connect to. Oh well, will try.
I don’t really know what to say. I wish I could make the world safe enough
Continue reading “Letter to myself: 10th February ’18”
I’m stuck for words. Not quite sure what to tell you. Just breathe. I’m proud of you. Luv ya Eliza. It’ll be okay. Everything will be okay. If it’s not okay, it’s not the end. You are okay always. You deserve to be okay. Just breathe Eliza. Just as you think others don’t deserve what is, you don’t either. Continue reading “Letter to myself: 8th February”
Just breathe. I love you Eliza. Just breathe. Relax. You are okay. Listen to the cars in the distance, hear the motors hum. Listen to the breeze, soft, gentle, barely discernible. Listen to the chatter of the birds that can be heard although they seem far away. Tune into the music playing from the stereo just inside. Continue reading “Letter to myself: 2nd February ’18”
I’m writing this on my phone so it’s going to be shorter than otherwise. I hate writing on my phone.
I love you. Just breathe. You are okay. I know you are on edge. I know the moment is really hard for you. I don’t know how to change it.
Continue reading “Letter to myself: 6th February ’18”
Going to write to myself now – kinda early. My head is a mess and maybe this’ll help.
Just breathe. You’ve got this girl. You really do. You can do this. Where do I start? Start at the end, maybe?? 🙂 Eliza, it’s okay to be tired. It’s normal.
Continue reading “Letter to myself: 30th January”
I’m so not sure what on earth I want to say
Proud of you gal. For continuing on. For going as long as you can, and taking the next step.
Continue reading “Letter to myself: 29th January”
I’m trying to think about what my message tonight should be to you, and, I can’t decide. So Eliza, I just want to let you know that I love you. That I think – that I know with 100% certainty, that you deserve it, that you are worth it. I believe in you Eliza. Yes, even when you intimidate people and they don’t accept your apology ;). I’m proud of you Eliza.
Continue reading “Letter to myself: 27th January”
I’m not really sure what to say. I’m not sure what I need to hear. Well, we’ll try. The royal we. Me, myself and I. Sometimes I feel like I live with that. The me, myself and I. I don’t know what I need to hear, I just know that I need some grounding, some sense of safety, and, I’m the only person who can give it to myself. Continue reading “Letter to myself: 25th January ’18”