SEVEN: People who believe in me

I’m grateful for the people in my life who believe in me. I’m thinking of 2 people in particular, who although they’re not part of my ‘real’ life, but rather part of my ‘virtual’ life, they really believe in me. There are more people part of my virtual life who do, but it’s different, as those people, to me they’re just virtual, these people aren’t. And, they believe in me. I’m not sure why they do. When I tell them I’ve messed up, they tell me it’s okay. When I say I don’t think I’ll ever get there, they promise me I will. Continue reading “SEVEN: People who believe in me”

SIX: You’ll never know what could have been.


Today seems – ARGH. Eventually got to sleep last night, my head was in a messy place. This morning it’s as much of a mess. Oh well. Onto reason six. It doesn’t come to mind automatically….. It would be pretty awesome if I had a list of reasons in my head to just pick and choose from. Well, I don’t. That’s really why I want to do this…. To find those reasons. To focus on them. Instead of on the question that so often overtakes everything – Why live? Why….?

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How can you post here?

Hey again,

So as most of you who are reading this know, I want everyone to be able to create their own posts on here….. If you want to post on here, it seems so complicated, I mean, to post on someone else’s blog? Really, I just have to add you as an author. So, on the contact page you are given information for how to contact me. You can fill out the contact form telling me that you’d like to be added as an author. Or just send an email directly. You’ll need to send a username, email address and password that you would like to use. Once you’ve done that I can invite you to post, and hey presto, you’ll be an author on this blog! I’d love for you to come and write your own posts, however long or short you want them to be.

So long,


Charting a path – the tunnel

I once begun writing this and never finished it. This is the unfinished, combined version….
I’m walking through a tunnel, long and winding. I walk along, through the blackness and wonder when the tunnel ends. But, I know, ‘there’s a light at the end of the tunnel’. I can see the glimmer, and that directs me. ‘Due to a technical fault the light at the end of the tunnel has been switched off’. Now, I’m walking in complete darkness. Without the guidance of the light. But I know with certainty that there’s an end to this tunnel, so, I continue walking. When, CRASH.

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FOUR: Chart a path

Hey y’all

So I’m grateful to be writing this. I need the distraction from my head at the moment. Focusing on why I want to be here is probably a good idea.
This is a continuation of the previous posts – show it’s possible and be the link in the chain. I want to find something I wrote and post it, it kind of defines what I mean. In short, by doing the impossible, by being the link in the chain, it’s creating a path for others to follow, that others can see how to do it.
I went on a walk recently.

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TWO: Prove it’s possible

So for reason two. Which isn’t my reason number two. I’m not rating or posting them in order of which are my main reasons, but, which come to mind first. Going to try break these up into separate posts and not get them all mixed up into one. For they’re all so similar.

I want to prove to others that it’s possible. I want to show the world that they can do it. You know how you, or maybe it’s always me, think something is impossible, but really, nothing is impossible, and if we don’t try, we’ll never know….

I’ve always loved this quote

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ONE: Beauty in the world

So for reason one. It feels like I should come up with some super amazing and fabulous reason that everyone will be like, oh wow, why didn’t I think of that before? But somehow, it isn’t so…… The first reason that came to mind when I thought of, why live. I’m especially using the words why live, not why not die, for that isn’t a reason to stay but a reason not to leave. I guess they’re all intertwined though, come to think of it. What am I saying again?

The beauty in the world around me

The raindrops on petals

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My intro post


So, introduction post, anyone??? This is to let all the many (I hope it won’t be zero!) readers know what this blog is about. Well, I don’t really know how to start, I want it to be interesting, and not have everyone rolling their eyes with boredom and stop reading before they start…. I guess I’ll start from the beginning. Ya know how they always say you should start at the beginning and all that….

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Letter to myself: 26th July ’17

Dear Eliza

It’s so much easier to mess up. To test the boundaries (of safety with painkillers). I know how much you want to. How much you feel it’s a need. I don’t know what to tell you. I can’t promise you that it’s worth it not to, for I just don’t know. I can tell you though, that people have done this before you. That however much it seems impossible to leave the tunnel you’re trapped in, especially when you aren’t ready to get up, people have done it before you. You have more power and strength than you believe. I know that using is safer. I know that the painkillers cloud everything over in a sense. I know that you can’t face dealing with the world at the moment. Just know that you aren’t alone. That you have the ability to get past this. And that you deserve life. I know you don’t believe that. But you do. You deserve to live. You deserve to be okay. You’re worth it. Even as you’re messing up you’re worth it.

Continue reading “Letter to myself: 26th July ’17”