My reason to live? Moments. Continue reading “Eighty Four: Moments”
One of my most powerful reasons are my four stray pets. And, if I could afford it, I’d have some more. I owe all the animals I met in my life the feeling of being loved, the way I am, unconditionally. My parents loved me very much, but they had expectations about me. Continue reading “Eighty Three: Stray pets”
When you are confronted by a maelstrom of thoughts bouncing around your mind. You just don’t know which way is up or which way is down, what is black, what is white.Just don’t know what to listen to and what thought(s) to ignore. Continue reading “Maelstrom”
I want to use.
It doesn’t help for me to know where it’ll lead. I’ve worked that through. If I use now I’ll still want to. And if I continue to, it’ll just be more, and more. So now I’ll take a couple of codeine’s. Which isn’t anything. Logically too. Later it’ll be more. Then tomorrow it’ll be more. And not only once a day. Continue reading “Using (TW)”
I woke up this morning. The sun was shining. A clear sky. The weather actually makes a difference to me. Ready to face the day. Spent the morning and most of the day, just, okay. And it’s fun to just be okay. I’m grateful for it.
What are you grateful for today?
I messed up last night. By using codeine. Nothing really (twas just 3), but whatever it is counts as using if it’s to use, and not as pain relief. Well, I guess using is pain relief ;) but yah.
I’m disappointed, as, if I hadn’t, Wednesday would have been 6 months.
I kinda feel like, I messed up, I may as well make the most of it.
But, today is a new day. Continue reading “Eighty One: Today is a new day”
I’m sad. Disappointed with myself. Took a couple of codeine. it doesn’t do anything, but, whatever. Gonna try write to myself.
I love you.
You didn’t fail, you know. Continue reading “Letter to myself: 17th March ’18”
I guess this can count as a reason. I’m grateful for it either way :)
I wanted to curl my hair before. I’m going out tonight and thought I’d do it, rather than keep it up (at the moment I’m wearing my hair up, it’s a little bit of a mess). I don’t have a curler in my room. Well, I do, a new one that hasn’t been opened and that I never use in order to preserve it’s newness. Continue reading “Eighty: The Pause (TW – SH)”
The world is so overwhelming and just registers on my radar as ‘too much’. Always. I know not everyone knows what those words mean. It means that something, everything, nothing, is too intense for me and I’m way overwhelmed. Like trying to shower, but instead of a shower, Continue reading “Too much”
I wish I knew what to say to you. I don’t.
You want to give up. Cry Eliza, cry. It’s okay. You know, he’s given you a gift – AH. Hurting you enough that you can cry about it. You let something in, I think he’s the only thing (person in this case) that you’ve ever really let in. I guess maybe that’s why he’s the first thing you’ve cried about in years. Continue reading “Letter to myself: 12th March”
They finally begin to overflow
Trickle slowly down
Forming a path Continue reading “Tears”
I haven’t written to myself in a long while. Maybe I should do so now. Not exactly sure what I want to hear, but will see.
Just breathe. In and out. Properly breathe. Calm down. You’re okay Eliza.
No answers here…. not at the moment. Maybe I’ll try answer this later.
I just so want to mess up. And I so can. I’ve enough to do so.
Why’m I getting up