This post could be triggering to read.
Self harm. I guess I’m writing this post as one day when I was thinking about self harming I decided to write a post with my reasons why not. Now, I just want to put down what I think, and see where it takes me. Continue reading “Self harm. My thoughts at the moment.”
I decided to write to myself.
Just breathe. This, too, shall pass. It’s hard at the moment. Overwhelming. And, it’s okay, you’re okay. I know it may seem otherwise. Listen to the side that wants what is best. Listen to the side that cares. Continue reading “LTM: Random”
I am not sure why I am finding this moment hard. It’s pretty obvious why – I need sleep.
The quote set as my featured image – go as long as you can and take another step used to be my motto. Just another step. Just another breath. This too shall pass. Continue on….
What helps you continue on?
I am sitting here wanting to cry. I am touched. In a random country trying to buy something from a vending machine. I have the currency but not in a form the machine would accept. Some random guy asks me what I want, buys it for me, Continue reading “Sixty Six: People who give”
I usually live completely in my own head. It’s as though I live on a parallel universe to the world. Mixing metaphors here, but, it’s like the universe is travelling on one train track and I am on my own train on the track next to it. I see what happens in the other train through the windows but I am on my own train. Continue reading “Sixty Five: Being present”
I can hear people’s thoughts to this one. What? Scars? A reason to live? Yeah. They are. I’ve scars. Because of the way I dress most of them aren’t visible. When I go to the beach there are some that I wouldn’t be covering up (well, when I go to the beach in the summer). They’re a part of me. Whether I like it or not. I can choose to give it meaning. Either positive, or negative.
Continue reading “Sixty Four: Scars”
This post is for T – thank you.
It’s been 3 months since I started this blog. Actually, it was 3 months yesterday to be exact. When I started it I don’t know what I expected. I don’t think I really thought I’d be here still. Continue reading “Update: 3 months since I’ve started this blog”
I can’t sleep. I woke up after a couple of hours of sleep. Been lying in bed for a while listening to the pitter patter of the rain on the window panes. I can almost hear the puddles that are forming from the excess water that hasn’t yet anywhere to drain away to.
Continue reading “Sixty Three: Sound of rain”
I was skyping AH and completely freaked out. I told him I did. Put down and immediately wrapped up and went for a walk. I don’t recall ever instinctively doing the right thing in such a situation. Doing what was best for me to do.
Continue reading “Sixty Two: Change”
Anything is possible. I have to believe that. Else I may as well throw in the towel before getting hurt even more. I was writing.
Continue reading “Sixty One: Possibility”
I realised not so long ago (maybe an hour or so) that I haven’t been using anything to escape in the past week or so (actually, longer than that, but since I can work it out). Yes I have been doing things.
Continue reading “Sixty: Discovery”
I’ve been walking along the streets loving the colour that autumn brings.
Continue reading “Fifty Nine: Autumn”
You wanted to write this, to see if it’ll help. Except that sitting here, pen in hand, you wonder how writing to yourself can help. Especially when you’re writing in 3rd person. So don’t. Hi Eliza. This is yourself speaking. Weird. Scrap that. I don’t know what I want to hear, so don’t know what to write. I don’t know what will help. I don’t know how to calm myself down.
Continue reading “LTM: Living in this world”
I want to use at the moment. Triggered majorly by being under the weather, by the physical symptoms of being under the weather mirroring the physical effect that using as much as I was had on me. I know that using would send me spiraling and probably bring me back to being actively suicidal. At the moment I’m okay with being here. Yeah there are times when I think about suicide, Continue reading “Fifty Eight: Being there for others”