Letter to myself: You aren’t guilty.

Eliza

I love you. I’m proud of you. Even as you get upset with your sister. I’m proud of you. I love you. Even as you hate that you’ve eaten too much. I love you even as you hate your body. I don’t know why you do. It’s kinda more recent. Maybe transference? I love you Eliza. Whatever you do or don’t do, I love you. And am proud of you. I wish I had a magic wand. Continue reading “Letter to myself: You aren’t guilty.”

One Hundred and Forty Five: Going Down When You’re Up

I’ve had this reason swirling in my mind for a while. It’s not really a reason, but at the same time, it is.

This summer I was going through a particularly hard time. One day, as I was swimming in the sea, and I was getting very tired from the current, I thought to myself “What if I just stay here? Let the water overtake me? Wouldn’t that just be better?”
But then I thought – No, I want to go down when I’m up. I want to leave This World when I’m on top and not when I’m feeling so low and down. I want to leave on a positive note, I want the world to remember me for the goodness I have brought into it and not the opposite.
The thought didn’t make anything better, but hey the waves didn’t get to me that day.

I’m willing to push through in order to say, this was a life well-lived. I want to end on top, when I’m up and not down.

 

Stay kind,

Ricky

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