One hundred and six.
The ability to cry.
I never cry. I don’t know how to. Yet here I am sitting in tears wondering… well, wondering a hell of a lot of stuff and feeling worthless and inadequate. Yet, I should look at the positive. And I should be, and I guess I am, grateful. That I can cry. That I can sit here in tears. Even if and though I have no clue how to relate to this. How to handle the fact that I’m in tears, like, what am I meant to do. Pretend to believe it’ll pass? Pretend that what I’m caring about isn’t true, when it’s the reality? Yet I’m grateful. For the ability to cry. I so often want to and never could, to just be able to express in some way what’s going on for me, and, the ability to cry is definitely something to be grateful for.
One Hundred and Six.
So long as there’s life, there’s hope.
I was wanting to use some stuff I had in my room to burn and was trying to calm myself down and be rational. Telling myself it was okay to want to didn’t work, so dialogued it through. Surprisingly enough (well, it was surprising to me) it helped.
Okay E, so you want to use them.
I. want. to. use. them.
Okay, so you want to
It’s not okay Continue reading “Dialogue through wanting to SH – TW”
I’m exhausted, tired and resentful. Really, just feeling so damn alone. As though there is no one in the world. No one who cares. No one who would be here. No one who is here. I guess this is the perfect time to write this post. It hurts to be alone. It hurts to know that there really isn’t anyone for me to reach out to. It hurts that I don’t know how to reach out, that when I try to, somehow it seems like when anyone else does there are people there for them but when I do there is no one. Continue reading “One Hundred and Five: People who join me on the journey”
Someone emailed me this quote. I replied to her. Although I don’t believe in the quote fully. What would you attempt if you knew you wouldn’t fail? How about you NEVER can fail? That life is never about failing, rather about learning, about getting up, and about attempting :) Continue reading “One Hundred and Four: I would attempt”
I get to define my life. I get to choose what everything means. Everything that happens. Everything I do or don’t do. I get to choose what it means for me. I define it. No one and nothing else does. Continue reading “One Hundred and Three: The meaning I attribute”