Eighty: The Pause (TW – SH)

I guess this can count as a reason. I’m grateful for it either way :)

I wanted to curl my hair before. I’m going out tonight and thought I’d do it, rather than keep it up (at the moment I’m wearing my hair up, it’s a little bit of a mess). I don’t have a curler in my room. Well, I do, a new one that hasn’t been opened and that I never use in order to preserve it’s newness. I know, I know, it’s pointless to have it if I don’t use it. I always use my sisters curler and was gonna do so now. Except that I pulled out the plug and was about to bring it to my room in order to curl my hair. I guess to curl my hair. More to self harm. I plugged it back into her socket and am just gonna go out with my hair a bit of a mess. Continue reading “Eighty: The Pause (TW – SH)”

Too much

The world is so overwhelming and just registers on my radar as ‘too much’. Always. I know not everyone knows what those words mean. It means that something, everything, nothing, is too intense for me and I’m way overwhelmed. Like trying to shower, but instead of a shower, Continue reading “Too much”

Letter to myself: 12th March

Dear Eliza,

I wish I knew what to say to you. I don’t.

You want to give up. Cry Eliza, cry. It’s okay. You know, he’s given you a gift – AH. Hurting you enough that you can cry about it. You let something in, I think he’s the only thing (person in this case) that you’ve ever really let in. I guess maybe that’s why he’s the first thing you’ve cried about in years. Continue reading “Letter to myself: 12th March”

Tears

The tears
They finally begin to overflow
Trickle slowly down
Forming a path
Building up all day
I guess this is a safer way
Of reacting. Better
Than self harming
Or using painkillers
Or throwing up
Or stopping eating
Tears
It isn’t safe to cry
Yet it hurts
It hurts so damn much
In ways I can’t name
Or even express why
If I ever knew that is
Tears
I wish I could just let them
Be
One day
Perhaps