I’m so happy that you’re starting to write this letter again.
When you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot to someone else’s. I’m not quite sure whose rope there is to tie your to, but, you aren’t alone. I know that these days are hard. Continue reading “Letter to myself: 13th January ’18”
I know it’s the 13th today, but I didn’t get to do this yesterday, and I figure there’s no harm it doing it now for yesterday
Writing today for yesterday? Just to tell you that you’re worth it Continue reading “Letter to myself: 12th January ’18”
You are worth it. It’s the end, nearing, of yet another really long day. I’m proud of you. You were on time to work, patient with the people around you, made and ate healthy food (been eating junk breakfast, lunch, dinner), journaled. After being up since 4am Continue reading “Letter to myself: 11th January ’18”
Living in my head. No one ever asked me if it’s a place I want to live. If they ever asked, the answer would be an unequivocal no.
6.30am. Not that early. Except that I have been up since at least 4. Unable to sleep. Ended up thinking. Some of what I have realised is enlightening. More than that though, it’s scary. Continue reading “Living in my head”
This is probably going to be short as it’s late, I’m exhausted, should head to bed, and I’m doing it on here (instead of journaling it in my journal and then copying it here). Well, maybe it’ll lead to the opposite
I’m supposedly meant to write a letter to you. The purpose of the letter is to tell you that I love you, Continue reading “LTM: 10th January ’18”
Decided that I want to write to myself every night for a week (let’s see if can even manage a week, but I like the idea).
I love you. It’s nearing the end of a day for you. Another day of living life. It’s an accomplishment Eliza. Continue reading “LTM: 9th January ’18”
I wrote this as wanting to self harm or use. I have so much I can use…. Both of which aren’t options. Had an appointment today with someone who didn’t have time. I wanted to ask for a referral to a nutritionist but I couldn’t as couldn’t explain myself when I just didn’t and don’t deserve it.
Continue reading “LTM: 8 Jan”
This may sound, and probably is, paradoxical.
I’m fighting at the moment. Finding the moment really hard. Painful even. I don’t know what or why. It’s all just a mass of, of somethings that I can’t name.
Continue reading “Seventy Two: The struggle”
Well, I have a few.
My primary New year’s resolution is to live through the year. I don’t mean as in live for a year which would be dating and make me suicidal at the end but to do all I can this year to live. To be okay in the world. Find my place in this world.
Which includes sticking with therapy although I can’t see a point. Which includes asking questions. Finding my place. Working through what I believe. Building healthy relationships. To live through this year. However daunting and scary that seems at the moment.
What are your plans, goals or thoughts for this year?
Usually, in the past, the primary reason I have self harmed is either as an escape, or more recently, as an attempt to listen to the part that wants, needs, self destruction. It comes with an intensity. I really need that intensity now.
Continue reading “I want the intensity of self harming”
Welcome to a new year.
I was sitting doing a mock GCSE, and was bored. So I wrote. I wrote about the empty blanket of snow outside that was waiting for us to mark it, for us to define what it would be. To make pictures with it, or ruin it.
Two Thousand and Eighteen. Welcome to a new year. I kinda feel that way about this year. Continue reading “Seventy One: 2018”